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Boys to Men: Teaching and Learning About Masculinity in an Age of Change

By Caroline Crosson Gilpin and Natalie Proulx

• April 12, 2018

What do boys in America think about being boys today?

What do they imagine is expected of them? Whom do they look up to, and how are they navigating the transition from being boys to becoming men?

In a 2018 Times opinion essay “ The Boys Are Not All Right ,” the comedian and author Michael Ian Black writes:

The past 50 years have redefined what it means to be female in America. Girls today are told that they can do anything, be anyone. They’ve absorbed the message: They’re outperforming boys in school at every level. But it isn’t just about performance. To be a girl today is to be the beneficiary of decades of conversation about the complexities of womanhood, its many forms and expressions. Boys, though, have been left behind. No commensurate movement has emerged to help them navigate toward a full expression of their gender. It’s no longer enough to “be a man” — we no longer even know what that means.

In this unit, we explore some of the questions Mr. Black, and others, raise, and suggest ways to deconstruct definitions of masculinity as they manifest in our society and our lives. We end with suggestions for several projects students might take on to expand and reimagine what “being a man” might mean in their own lives and in our society at large.

Note to teachers: This is a sensitive topic, and some of the readings, discussion questions or activities may not be suitable for your students. We hope you will tailor it to fit your needs, but we also hope you’ll tell us how and why you did that, in the comments.

If you are doing a larger study of gender issues, please see the links at the bottom of this post for related lesson plans, including one on the #MeToo movement, and one, contributed by a teacher, on pronoun use in schools.

Warm Up: ‘Good’ Men vs. ‘Real’ Men

In 2015, Michael Kimmel, a leading scholar on masculinity and the director of the Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities , helped start the nation’s first master’s degree program in Masculinities Studies. The program, at Stony Brook University, explores what it means to be male in today’s world.

In “ A Master’s Degree in … Masculinity? ” Jessica Bennett explains how Mr. Kimmel begins his classes:

Michael Kimmel stood in front of a classroom in bluejeans and a blazer with a pen to a whiteboard. “What does it mean,” the 64-year-old sociology professor asked the group, most of them undergraduates, “to be a good man?” The students looked puzzled. “Let’s say it was said at your funeral, ‘He was a good man,’” Dr. Kimmel explained. “What does that mean to you?” “Caring,” a male student in the front said. “Putting other’s needs before yours,” another young man said. “Honest,” a third said. Dr. Kimmel listed each term under the heading Good Man, then turned back to the group. “Now,” he said, “tell me what it means to be a real man.” This time, the students reacted more quickly. “Take charge; be authoritative,” said James, a sophomore. “Take risks,” said Amanda, a sociology graduate student. “It means suppressing any kind of weakness,” another offered. “I think for me being a real man meant talk like a man,” said a young man who’d grown up in Turkey. “Walk like a man. Never cry.” Dr. Kimmel had been taking notes. “Now you’re in the wheelhouse,” he said, excitedly. He pointed to the Good Man list on the left side of the board, then to the Real Man list he’d added to the right. “Look at the disparity. I think American men are confused about what it means to be a man.”

Try a similar warm-up activity with your students to get them thinking about the messages they receive from society about what it means to be a man.

Ask students: What does it mean to be a “good man”? • What qualities do the men you respect and admire have? • What values and morals do they live by? • What kinds of things do they say and do?

Next, ask: What does it mean to be a “real man”? • What do people mean when they say “ be a man ” or “man up”? • What qualities are “real men” assumed to have? • How are they expected to speak and act? How are they not supposed to behave?

Then, allow them to take a few minutes to analyze what they see in the two columns and discuss:

• What do you notice? What do you wonder? • Are what it means to be a “good” man and a “real” man mostly similar or mostly different? Why do you think this is? What conclusions can you draw in comparing the lists? • How do you think these cultural messages affect boys and men? How might they affect girls and women?

Next, we recommend you take a moment to have students write anonymously about and then, perhaps, discuss this question:

• Why might this be a challenging issue to talk about in school?

Based on what students say, you and the class may set up discussion protocols for this unit.

Finally, you might end the class by having students read some of the student comments on our Picture Prompt “ Boys and Men ,” then add their own. (Note: All our student writing prompts are open for response indefinitely.)

Like Dr. Kimmel’s students, yours will most likely realize that the messages boys get from society about manhood are confusing. They may also begin to see the ways in which this confusion impacts not just the personal lives of boys and men, but also their relationships, their work and the rest of the world. The rest of this unit seeks to help them delve more deeply into the questions this warm-up may raise.

Definitions and Research: Masculinity and ‘Toxic Masculinity’

Gender and Masculinity

So, what does it mean to be a man? How much of that is determined by biology? How much is influenced by the society we live in? And how much control do we even have over the ways we behave?

First, share a few important definitions with your students:

• Sex refers to a person’s sexual anatomy, like chromosomes, hormones, and internal and external sex organs. The terms “male” and “female” are often used to talk about an individual’s sex. • Gender refers to the characteristics and behaviors that a society or culture associates with males and females. The terms “masculine” and “feminine” are usually used to describe gender. • Gender identity is an individual’s deeply held sense of being male, female or another gender. This is separate from biological sex. (Definition from Teaching Tolerance ; for more on teaching about gender identity, see their lesson here .) • Gender expression can be defined as the way we show our gender to the world. Societal expectations of gender expression are reinforced in almost every area of life. Even very young children are clear about the gendered choices that boys and girls are “supposed to” make in relation to toys, colors, clothes, games and activities. (Definition from Teaching Tolerance )

In this section of the lesson, we begin with the idea that sex — the anatomy with which one is born — does not predetermine gender identity — one’s sense of being male, female or another gender — or gender expression — the way one shows gender to the world.

Delving into the vast amount of research on the extent to which biology and culture influence behavior and even brain development is beyond the scope of this lesson. So, we have identified a few key ideas from the scientific, sociological and philosophical study of gender. You might begin by sharing this research with your students or, if you have time, allow them to read more about it in the linked articles:

• Research shows that there is little difference between male and female brains at birth.

• Despite this similarity, people of different genders do often think, act and speak differently. But, because we are socialized into gender roles beginning at a very young age, it is extremely difficult to determine how much our biology influences our gendered behavior and how much is our response to our environment. Most researchers agree, though, that culture has a significant impact on our gendered behaviors .

• While these biological and cultural forces are indeed real and powerful, we also — to a large extent — have a choice in how we present ourselves to the world. And, the more informed we are about the choices we have in expressing ourselves, the better we are able to completely and truly be our unique selves.

“Toxic Masculinity”:

One term that comes up often in discussion of gender and, especially, what it means to be a man, is “toxic masculinity.” But as Colleen Clemens writes in Teaching Tolerance, “‘Toxic masculinity’ is tricky. It’s a phrase that — misunderstood — can seem wildly insulting, even bigoted.”

The Good Men Project defines it this way:

Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It’s the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly “feminine” traits — which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual — are the means by which your status as “man” can be taken away.

It is crucial, however, that students understand some key ideas:

• Talking about toxic masculinity is not about vilifying boys, men or any of the particular qualities society has deemed “masculine.” Rather, it is an opportunity to begin to reconstruct a more positive model of masculinity that makes room for the many different ways to be a boy or man and allows all individuals to feel secure in their masculine identity.

Michael Ian Black sums up this sentiment in a response to a reader comment on his Op-Ed, “ The Boys Are Not All Right ”:

Mr. Florentino : I cried as I read this. My son — a high school and college wrestler who achieved much success on the mat — is one of the most sensitive souls I know. But far too often, I cheered his masculinity, his fierceness, and his muscles. I should have been cheering his kindness, his empathy, and his innate ability to be gentle. Those emotional qualities are what REALLY make him strong. MIB: I am very interested in a fuller expression of male strength. Physical strength is great (I wish I had more of it, because I would like, for once in my life, to look good shirtless on a beach). But a man’s strength can be expressed in innumerable ways, including the strength to be vulnerable, the strength to ask for help, to seek forgiveness, to display empathy. By all means, root for your son, but root for his entire being. It sounds like you’re doing that.

• Toxic masculinity is not just a men’s issue — its consequences are pervasive and affect everyone, including girls and women. Also, girls, boys, women and men all make choices about their behavior that can either perpetuate a culture of toxic masculinity or disrupt it. (And, of course, “ toxic femininity ” is its corollary.)

To further explore this phrase, students might complete a Frayer model , including the definition, characteristics, examples and nonexamples of toxic masculinity. You can also see how it has been used in New York Times articles .

After defining the term, show students this three-minute trailer of the documentary “ The Mask You Live In ” by the Representation Project . As they watch, they might continue to add to their Frayer models. ( Note to teachers : This clip includes some profanity and graphic language. Please preview it to make sure it is appropriate for your students. )

Then, have students read Mr. Black’s Op-Ed, “ The Boys Are Not All Right ,” highlighting the characteristics and examples of toxic masculinity he gives. You might also assign students to read some of the 2,000-plus comments from readers that the article inspired. Do they agree with Mr. Black’s assertions? Why or why not? What arguments made by readers are also compelling?

Ask students if they can think of any other characteristics, examples or nonexamples of what it means to be a man according to this model of masculinity — such as those they came up with during the warm-up — and add them to the Frayer model.

Then, discuss:

• According to these texts, what makes this particular idea of masculinity “toxic”? • For whom is it toxic and why?

Then, allow students to do their own personal reflection in a silent writing activity. You might ask:

• Do you identify with this experience of masculinity in any way? • If so, how? How does it affect you or others? • If not, have you ever witnessed any of these behaviors at school or home, or in society? What are they, and how have they affected you or others? • How does learning about toxic masculinity make you feel and why?

Messages About Masculinity: Reading, Annotating, Discussing and Collecting

Below, we list several categories — families, school, politics, sports, fraternities, media, relationships and the workplace — and suggest a few articles and Op-Eds students might read to think about the messages about masculinity that pervade each. These, however, are just a starting point, and we hope you’ll use the comments section to round out our lists with other readings, from within and outside The Times.

Your students might go through the following sequence:

1. Read and annotate.

You might assign different articles or subtopics to different students or small groups. As they read, students should annotate individually by finding words, phrases or lines that seem germane to a discussion about messages of masculinity in different aspects of life and noting their reactions.

Next, invite students to do a jigsaw activity in which they meet in small groups to share their pieces and discuss what they discovered. As they go, they might consider questions like these:

• What passages, examples or lines from what you read stood out in light of our study of masculinity? Why?

• How do you think the expressions of masculinity you read about seem to affect the people in the piece? How do you think they affect our society as a whole? Why?

• What personal connections did you make to the piece you read?

3. Collect cultural messages about masculinity from their daily lives.

After students have read and discussed these pieces, assign them to collect messages about masculinity — positive or negative — that they come across in their daily lives, whether on television or in advertising, the news media, video games, movies, books, music or anywhere else.

Students might then mount a gallery of what they find, with their commentary, to prepare for the final phase of this unit in which they do projects that imagine a more expansive view of masculinity for the future.

Article List

Boys at Home

A Disadvantaged Start Hurts Boys More Than Girls

What Our Sons Are Learning From Donald Trump

Talking to Boys the Way We Talk to Girls

Google, Tell Me. Is My Son a Genius?

Growing Up Male: Schools, Bullying and the “Punishing Reach of Racism” for Black Boys in Particular

The Boys at the Back

The Boys Have Fallen Behind

Closing the Math Gap for Boys

School Bullying Is Common, Mostly by Boys, Study Finds

For Gay and Transgender Teens, Will It Get Better?

The Success of All-Male Schools

The Upshot | Extensive Data Shows Punishing Reach of Racism for Black Boys

Fathers’ Sons and Brothers’ Keepers

Room for Debate: The Assumptions Behind Obama’s Initiative “My Brother’s Keeper”

Fraternities, Sports and the Military

Colleges Condone Fraternities’ Sexist Behavior

What a Fraternity Hazing Death Revealed About the Painful Search for an Asian-American Identity

The Boys in the Clubhouse

A Wrestling Culture That Helps Keep Boys Away From Fighting

The Perils of Mixing Masculinity and Missiles

Media and Arts

Super Mario Run’s Not-So-Super Gender Politics

Does Gay Hollywood Have Room for Queer Kids?

In Country Music, Nice Guys Finish First (for Now)

Ad Campaigns Tag Along as Men Embrace Different Paths

A Poet’s Boyhood at the Burning Crossroads

In the Art World, ‘Latinx’ Marks a Gender-Free Spot

Politics and Leadership

As Strongmen Steamroll Their Opponents, U.S. Is Silent

What Donald Trump Thinks It Takes to Be a Man

Picture a Leader. Is She a Woman?

Men in the Workplace

Men and Women Say They’re More Different Than Similar

Sexual Harassment Training Doesn’t Work. But Some Things Do .

Steinem, Sandberg and Judd on How to End Sex Harassment

The #MeToo Moment: I’m a Straight Man. Now What?

Dear Men: It’s You, Too

This Is a Man Problem

Final Projects: Ways to Redefine Masculinity

From boys to men in the south bronx.

View Slide Show ›

In this unit so far, students have mostly been investigating how messages about masculinity manifest in our culture. Now is their opportunity to redefine what it means for them, and for the future generations of boys and men. In this summative activity, students look at alternative views of masculinity and create a project that demonstrates what it means to “be a man” in today’s world.

So, what can a new model of masculinity look like? How can it be more expansive and inclusive of all the different ways there are to be a boy or man?

In “ How to Raise a Feminist Son ,” Claire Cain Miller makes some suggestions, like letting boys be themselves:

Offer open-ended activities, like playing with blocks or clay, and encourage boys to try activities like dress-up or art class, even if they don’t seek them out, social scientists say. Call out stereotypes. (“It’s too bad that toy box shows all girls because I know boys also like to play with dollhouses.”) It could also improve the status of women. Researchers say the reason parents encourage daughters to play soccer or become doctors, but not sons to take ballet or become nurses, is that “feminine” equals lower status .

Have your students read this article, as well as one or more of the articles below for inspiration for a new model of masculinity. Allow them to identify, discuss and write about the aspects of a positive masculine identity that resonate with them most:

Teaching Men to Be Emotionally Honest

How to Help Kids Disrupt ‘Bro Culture’

The Power of Touch, Especially for Men

Some Boys Ask, ‘What’s a Barber Mom?’

Letters| A New Model of Masculinity

Americans Might No Longer Prefer Sons Over Daughters

Real Men Get Rejected, Too

Allowing Teenage Boys to Love Their Friends

How would each of your students define manhood now?

Finally, let them choose one of the following projects, or come up with their own, to express what they think it means to “be a man.” Then, you might hold an exhibition for students to showcase their projects and experience all the many ways there are to be a man in today’s world.

Create a slide show, video or work of art. Have students view the slides and read the captions in The Lens slide show above , of boys coming of age in the South Bronx, and then document the lives of boys close to them in photos, drawings or videos of their own. Host a gallery showing when the projects are finished, complete with an opening reception and artists’ presentations.

Write a letter. Have students write a letter to a younger boy they know, to themselves at a younger age, to a fictional character, or to an imaginary boy or young man. What would they say to help, advise, encourage, influence or warn them, based on what they know about life, and why? What stories or wisdom would they impart?

Rewrite a children’s book or other work of literature. Ask students to share their perspectives and experiences on and of the articles above, and then have them think of examples of literature that encourages boys to pursue their dreams and fight stereotypes. Next, have them rewrite a favorite children’s book or other work of literature, one they feel could represent a healthier and fuller view toward boys and men. Volunteers can reread their new version to their classmates, with a question-and-answer period after the reading to discuss the rationale of their book’s recreation.

Compose a rebuttal . Have students read from the articles and the accompanying comments. Students can select two or three Readers Pick comments that reflect a viewpoint that skews toward toxic masculinity. Ask students to compose a letter to respond to the negative comment, using information gained from articles and class discussions.

State your opinion. Ask students, as we did in this Learning Network Student Opinion question, “ Is School Designed More for Girls Than Boys? ” and have them give specific examples on how school has changed since they have been a student. If they were on a committee to redesign their school to encourage more positive masculinity, what recommendations would they make?

Write your own obit. Have students listen to this Times podcast, “ The Last Word: Inside the Times Obits Department ,” until 5:50 minutes, and glance through the Times Obituary section for inspiration. Then, have students write their own obituary. How do students want to be remembered? What legacy do they want to leave behind? What would they like to accomplish or achieve before they die?

Start an all-male book club. After reading “ Men Have Book Clubs, Too ,” have students create their own group, with a list of boys and men they would invite to participate, and a list of the books or articles they would read over the course of a year.

Reflect on your learning. Have students write about what this unit has meant to them and why. Looking back at their thinking and at the pieces they read and watched, what have they questioned, discovered and concluded? How does what they have learned connect to their own lives in and outside of school?

Write about a role model. Invite students to write about the positive role models in their own lives — men or gender-nonconforming individuals who have demonstrated to boys that they can break free of limited notions of what it is to be male, and reach their potential as full, whole human beings. This activity can be done with personal role models or public leaders. If students choose public figures, they might search The Times to find more information on them and identify the ways they have challenged traditional norms of masculinity.

Related Learning Network Resources

Lesson Plans:

The Reckoning: Teaching About the #MeToo Moment and Sexual Harassment With Resources From The New York Times

No Pride in Prejudice: Looking Beyond the Gender Labels to Experience Literature

‘A Troubling Trend’: Discussing Bullying and Antigay Attitudes

Text to Text | ‘Lord of the Flies’ and ‘A Fight Club for Flies’

Reader Idea | Creating an Inclusive Classroom by Offering Pronoun Choice

Writing Prompts:

Do Parents Have Different Hopes and Standards for Their Sons Than for Their Daughters?

How Do Male and Female Roles Differ in Your Family?

Is School Designed More for Girls Than Boys?

Why Do Boys Lag Behind Girls in Reading?

Does Separating Boys and Girls Help Students Perform Better in School?

What Does It Mean to Be ‘a Real Man’?

Do We Need to Teach Boys and Men to Be More Emotionally Honest?

Is It O.K. for Men and Boys to Comment on Women and Girls on the Street?

What Is Your Reaction to the #MeToo Movement?

Now That Women Can Serve in All Combat Roles in the U.S. Military, Should They Also Be Required to Register for the Draft?

Should Sports Be Coed?

Should the Boy Scouts Be Coed?

Do You Believe in Equal Rights for Women and Men?

Do We Need New Ways to Identify Gender and Sexuality?

Should There Be More Boy Dolls?

Can a Boy Wear a Skirt to School?

Do Boys Have Less Intense Friendships Than Girls?

Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Masculinity — Effects of Masculinity

Effects of Masculinity

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Individual effects, relationship effects, societal effects.

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An Essay About Men: Considering the Inner Worlds of Those Who Are Taught to Deny Them

Holly haworth on robert bly, toxic masculinity, and the hole at the center of our world.

I recently re-watched some of the Mad Men series. On one early episode, Betty says to dinner companions, “Don doesn’t like to talk about himself. I know better than to ask.” She doesn’t really know better, though, because she is a silly woman who wants to know her husband intimately, and that night she asks Don a question about his childhood. “Jesus, Betty,” he responds, his face contorting to show his utter confoundment at this kind of prying. “What difference does it make?” Instead of talking to her, then, he kisses her, and they have sex. It’s classic. The scene cuts to Don sleeping soundly while Betty sits up in bed smoking a cigarette, distressed. She stubs her cigarette, lies down next to him, places her hand gently on his back, and whispers to that eternal enigma of a man who stands for so many men, “Who’s in there?” The scene goes dark.

So often when trying to see into the inner worlds of men, the scene goes dark.

I had been grieving this darkness, moving through it as a hunger, subterranean and underlying an emptiness in my life that only seems to grow. And so it is for billions of women. Where are the men who know that talking or not talking about their lives, their memories and wounds, childhoods and what has shaped them, makes all the difference?

In fact, I was watching Mad Men so that I could look at this phenomenon from a distance—maybe, even, so that I could witness another woman suffering from it, as a balm to my own afflictions and some kind of larger cultural affirmation of what I was going through. For too many months, I had been navigating yet another horrendously painful relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, giving it my all in the hopes that I could get him to open up, and in so doing, that I could win a love that was supportive, that thrived on communication and connection—because what else might love thrive on? And what might our lives thrive on but love?

Already I sound sentimental and feminine. Such is the entrenchment of gender conditioning. Men get mad and women get sad. Men are terse and women overly emotional.

There were numerous instances—when he became saturnine and pulled away for days on end, leaving me feeling abandoned—that I asked the man whose love I was trying to earn a simple question, “Is everything okay?” He would get twitchy and say things like, “Is that a loaded question?” or “I feel like you want me to say something and I don’t know what you want to hear” or “I feel like you’re fishing for something.”

Sigh. I suppose I was fishing for something, casting out and reeling in, casting out and reeling in, daylong, with no bites. A man who could sit down and talk. Who would tell me what was bothering him.

While the hordes of psychological self-help accounts on Instagram have taught us about emotional unavailability, and about attachment theory as it applies to adult relationships, not many are discussing how divided along gender lines the attachment styles are (something that almost anyone can observe), with men in general having dismissive attachment while women suffer anxious attachment. Is everything okay? How are you feeling? Is anything wrong? … Avoidance churns anxiousness. A lack of words makes us fish for them.

Even as my romantic relationship crumbled, it would be more accurate to say that the man I was involved with was silently crumbling. He gave me small crumbs of his love (the official term is “breadcrumbing”) and meanwhile drank and played video games—the sorts of things we just accept as “guy” behavior, the addictions that thrive on buried emotions.

My father turned 70 last year. As he went through the upheaval of homelessness, unemployment, and illness during what might have been a more honorable passage into elderhood, he told me, when I called to ask how he was doing, what he always had, that “Everything is good.” He left when I was a baby and never seemed to be able to face me, or fatherhood, or much of anything, but all has always been good and well. Through four failed marriages, everything was fine, wonderful, even, and the consistency of that line was only matched by the consistency of his drinking.

A friend of mine called to say that his own father, now 80, who lives in a palatial home on the coast and has no financial hardship, is fraught with depression and addicted to pharmaceuticals and refuses to get help. His cold moods and silence over the years drove his (second) wife to leave, and now he is living his last days in a mansion alone, the sea waves chomping at the shore. When his son, my friend, calls—the only of his children who will speak to him after childhood—the marble floors echo with the response he barks into the phone: “Nothing is wrong with me!” Even wealth and status aren’t cures or preventatives for the curse of male terseness.

The poet Christian Wiman writes in “The Limit,” an essay about masculinity and violence: “Anything that suggested madness rather than control, illness rather than health, feminine interiority rather than masculine action, was off-limits.”

The world is suffering from the madness of men who, on the surface, are in control, and mad is considered an acceptable masculine emotion, while sadness is equated with madness and the feminine.

When the poet Robert Bly died, I picked up his book Iron John. It is, as the subtitle tells us, A Book About Men. Under my circumstances of being a woman, perpetually left in the dark on this subject from the perspective of men themselves, I was intrigued. Published in 1990, it arose out of Bly’s work with the men’s movement of the 1980s, when men, in response to the women’s movement, began talking about how they might redefine masculinity. Bly writes that when he facilitated men’s gatherings, “It was not uncommon for [the men] to be weeping within five minutes. The amount of grief and anguish in these younger men was astounding to me.”

While the book troubles many aspects of what we call today toxic masculinity, it is also faulted and troubling in ways that have been pointed out by others. I’m not here to either argue in defense of the book or take it apart critically (which would certainly be a worthy effort), I only want to mention that I picked it up and read it during a time when I was searching for answers. Bly has a certain way with language, and it was the evocation and embrace of the unprocessed grief of men that spoke to me. It was Bly’s invitation to men to bring to light their inner worlds through the ancient technology of story that I felt was important.

Behind my father’s disappearance into drink and all-is-well-ness is, surely, a dammed-up reservoir of grief, and this damming has been the damning not only of him but of four wives, two children, and who knows who else. And so goes the untold story of so many men’s lives. My friend’s father, alone in his seaside palace, is a war veteran who served as a translator in Vietnam. In Mad Men , we later learn that Don Draper, who won’t talk to his wife, doesn’t have a therapist, drinks too much, and is absorbed by work happened to suffer a traumatic childhood that haunts him. The man I was seeing lost his father (a man who he described to me as “stern”) early, at 21. Bly’s neo-Jungian approach instigates a psychospiritual journey of healing wounds, an inner process of reflection that modern men are conditioned against.

“We are living at an important and fruitful moment now,” Bly wrote in 1990, “for it is clear to men that the images of adult manhood given by popular culture are worn out.” Never mind, even, the rapists; the warlords; the mass shooters; the sexual predators; the authoritarian politicians who revoke women’s rights and inscribe the female womb with laws and legislation—who, by and large, are all men. And yet, it is all part of a continuum, and Don Draper doesn’t only not talk about his feelings but also cheats serially on his wives (Betty, then Megan), and my father is not only always “good” but has also cheated and lied, and the man I was seeing had an ongoing friendship of an undefinable nature with his ex that he hid from me, and Wiman, who inherited a male silence that makes him suicidal even as he finds expression as a poet, is the grandson of a man who murdered his wife in front of his three children, and the men in the Westerns I like to watch (for the landscapes) are as terse as they are precise with a gun, as emotionless as they are driven to violence, and not usually depicted in those films are the oil rigs pocking the landscape, the mining claims on the lands emptied of their Native inhabitants.

Dallas Goldtooth, a Dakota and Diné organizer of the Keep It in the Ground Campaign and the Indigenous Environmental Network, has said that, “You cannot only just talk about toxic masculinity, you have to talk about white supremacy in the same conversation, you have to talk about settler colonialism in the same conversation because they are all supporting each other…. They’re all working together to drive this planet over the cliff.”

Bly, a white man, failed to make this connection as clearly, but he wrote:

The dark side of men is clear. Their mad exploitation of earth resources, devaluation and humiliation of women, and obsession with tribal warfare are undeniable. Genetic inheritance contributes to their obsessions, but also culture and environment. We have defective mythologies that ignore masculine depth of feeling, assign men a place in the sky instead of earth, teach obedience to the wrong powers, work to keep men boys, and entangle both men and women in systems of industrial domination. …

One way to see the men’s movement that grew from the women’s movement is as a testament to how women’s stories mobilize and awaken change.

It is also a testament to the insidiousness and entrenchment of the bad old patriarchy, as the movement from the beginning was rife with backlash to women’s voices, with claims of male oppression that bubbled with obvious fears about the decentering of men’s narratives and the diminishment of male power. Bly wrote his Book about Men in the wake of centuries of books by and about men.

Yet, as Bly would have it, I think, these books were not “conscious.” It seems that the men’s movement for Bly, at least, was a coming-to-consciousness—not a challenge to the women’s movement, he assures us in the preface, or an insistence on centering the male experience and narrative, which has already been centered enough, but a becoming-conscious of that narrative, so that it might be reimagined. Though his book is faulted, he was concerned with inspiring “new visions of what a man is or could be.”

The Diné leader Pat McCabe (Woman Stands Shining) has said, “I see the men as being the architects of these dreams and visions [of reimagining masculinity].” So while I was glad to learn that the men’s movement, as it were, is, if not nonexistent, passé, we might say, I also wonder how us women and nonbinary people can use our voices to call for a movement of men. How can we call them in even as we call them out? Bly’s book, in its best passages, does just that, acknowledging the harms that men cause while calling them into the process we might simply call healing .

The Black feminist bell hooks, who died just weeks after Bly did at the end of last year, did that too. She wrote in The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love, “[A boy] learns that his core feelings cannot be expressed if they do not conform to the acceptable behaviors sexism defines as male. Asked to give up the true self in order to realize the patriarchal ideal, boys learn self-betrayal early and are rewarded for these acts of soul murder. …Patriarchy is the single most life-threatening social disease assaulting the male body and spirit in our nation.”

And yet, as Goldtooth has said, “It’s a good assumption that the vast majority of the people that will come to [a talk about toxic masculinity] will be women, or women identified.” This year, I read bell hooks. I read Bly. I read Wiman. I waded through loads of self-help advice for anxiously attached people pursuing relationships with dismissive attached people. I watched Mad Men , thinking, searching for insight. I listened to Goldtooth, to Woman Stands Shining. I am writing this essay.

In pointing that out, I am talking about the emotional labors required in order to be a resilient woman who can better understand her suffering at the hands of men. Goldtooth says that, “Women’s safety and health is dependent on them knowing men better than men know themselves. You have to know how a man thinks, you have to know what motivates a man, you have to know about the dangers a man poses to your well-being.”

The man I tried to love broke up with me over the phone on Valentine’s Day (for his ex?—who would know, for he didn’t explain anything). And now I am tired of knowing men better than they know themselves, while still being left in the dark with only my abandonment.

Bly calls our age “a time with no father,” and the writer Stephen Jenkinson says that Iron John , which spent 62 weeks on The New York Times best-seller list, “detonated… a hunger.” It does seem to be a time with no father. But I do not just hunger for a father, I hunger for a brother who won’t hurt me, for male friends who protect me, for good, healthy men around me, for bosses who respect me and honor my work, for a loving partner who can listen. This is an emptiness that only seems to grow, a hole at the center of our world, an absence-ing of these men. Where are they?

Single again, I visited the bizarre virtual space in which one can witness the performance of masculinity in a vividly pronounced way, a kind of concentrated spectacle put into motion by my left-swipes, a diorama into which I peered, mostly aghast. Straight woman seeking straight man. There, I quickly noticed an undeniable trend, which was for men to assert that they were “a simple guy” and to ask for “no drama.” People (men) who cannot begin to fathom their own complexities and the mazes of their nuanced psyches can only see people (women/non-binary) who do as bringing “drama” into their lives. They cannot glimpse the tragicomedy in which they are actors asserting their simpleness, holding up their big gaping-mouthed fish, flexing their biceps; they can cast a line into the depths of a lake all day but dare not throw a hook and sinker into their own psyches and be present for what bites.

While women fish for intimacy with them, for the words they can’t say, they leave to do their own fishing, ever absent from women’s lives (the stereotypical “Gone Fishin’” bumper stickers), women always left reeling. Simple guys. Open books. No drama. I’ve learned to see these as red flags. Bly’s book deserves a look because its primary argument, I think, is that men are not simple, that they are every bit as psychologically complex as women and all genders, and that they will do best to acknowledge it.

Wiman writes that when he became suicidal and decided to tell a friend, “My heart began to race, I had difficulty breathing, and I simply had no language for what I needed to say.” He recognizes in both his and his father’s voices “a sort of mumbling quietude” in moments of “emotional encroachment.” Once when visiting my father I thought I would speak directly to him about his callousness and refusal to acknowledge my existence (he has hardly ever asked me a single question about my life lived halfway around the world from his), but when I asked him if he could sit down and talk, he looked exactly like one of the fish the men hold up in the photos, all fear-eyed and shocked, his mouth gaping with no words coming out, like he’d been pulled out of water and couldn’t breathe. I decided I wouldn’t try.

I have listened to both Goldtooth and Woman Stands Shining speak about toxic masculinity in numerous conversations. From small, Indigenous communities that have dealt with such huge grief, they both seem to, more than many thinkers, call men in with compassion while calling them to be accountable, and I wonder at the wisdom of knowing, in reckoning with the long legacies of oppression that they do, that they cannot afford to cancel half of their communities.

So while I do not want to hold a pity party for men, I do not want to cancel their suffering—the suffering that I witness in all the men around me, even though they have been conditioned to. In our reckoning with toxic masculinity, canceling the grief of men is yet another act of repressing something that wants to come forth in the collective psyche, something that needs to be spoken, reckoned with. Doesn’t this canceling, then, mirror the canceling of young boys who are conditioned not to express their feelings and thus their full humanity and so become men who are already in some sense canceled and thus confused about how to exist in the world?

Might mansplaining be a way, at least sometimes, of taking up space when a man does not know how to occupy the space inside himself and has rarely articulated something true about the way he is feeling? Might it be a way of performing fatherliness in this time of no father? Isn’t the emotional unavailability of men—the deep silent pools from which many kinds of harms and outward ills plume up—what a movement of men might ply, searching for deeper currents?

I want to ask, as the thinker Báyò Akómoláfé has said, “queer questions” that lead to “uneasy arrivals for tending to the tense fields where new kinds of beings and becomings can thrive and grow.”

It isn’t up to women, nonbinary people, and children to heal men, though. It’s time for men to become response-able for their grief (Akómoláfé’s spelling of the word.)

I have endured wounds inflicted by men that I live with every moment. They are etched into me, and I have spent the better part of my adult life engaged in healing myself, which is also a process of becoming responsible for the wounds I carry. I, a woman, am writing An Essay About Men because they have so often left me in the dark, sitting up at night, burdened with the weight of their inarticulations. And is it a good assumption that the vast majority of the people who read this will be women or women identified?

I’m angry about the massive energy that I have to put forth to articulate to men their own wounds and need for healing, even as they continue to actively wound me, put me in need of yet more of my own healing. My father, just for instance, offers no support to me morally or otherwise in his elder years, no presence, as it has been throughout my life, and as it is for so many of us. And being mad is something that women-identified people have not been allowed; the same patriarchy that makes anger the only acceptable expression of sadness for men also deems us shrill or hysterical for this natural emotion in response to our pain, while men can stay cool and aloof.

But we know that all books have covers, and that you can’t judge by them, and men are full of grief like the rest of us. We have been bound by roles, but we can rewrite them. Our inner worlds are drama-filled, deep, and we plumb them with story, an ongoing act that changes the story, and we are never open books. I am mad, and I want to keep talking about this until men begin to talk amongst themselves, as they must on the way to healing our world.

Holly Haworth

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Masculinity - Essay Samples And Topic Ideas For Free

Masculinity encompasses a set of behaviors, presentations, and roles associated traditionally with being male. Essays could discuss the societal construction of masculinity, its impact on individuals and society, and how it intersects with other identity factors like race, sexuality, and social class. A vast selection of complimentary essay illustrations pertaining to Masculinity you can find at PapersOwl Website. You can use our samples for inspiration to write your own essay, research paper, or just to explore a new topic for yourself.

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It’s a Man’s World: The Effect of Traditional Masculinity on Gender Equality

Public and international discourse on the debate for gender equality focuses on the oppression of women, as it rightly should. However, the influence that traditional male stereotypes have on the perpetuation of gender inequality, at a transnational scale, also needs to be addressed. This essay asks how do male stereotypes affect the manner in which males engage with gender equality? By encouraging males to analyse their socially constructed gender profiles, it is possible to educate them on how their social roles may impact gender equality. This will involve analysing the entrenchment of traditional male stereotypes in society and their consequent impact on women. Firstly, the essay will establish that male stereotypes operate within a larger structure of the gender paradigm. Then, it will define gender equality and its various interpretations. This will then lead the essay to discuss the trajectory of the progress towards gender equality and why males must be viewed as fundamental actors. Certain masculinities preserve and promote the inequalities experienced between men and women, and, in order to achieve gender equality, they must be dismantled.

When analysing male stereotypes, in the context of gender equality, it is important to recognise that they do not operate in isolation. Male stereotypes, or masculinities , function ‘… as an aspect of a larger structure’. [1] This structure is gender . Gender denotes the social phenomenon of distinguishing males and females based on a set of identity traits. The gendering of the sexes produces and sustains socially constructed differences. [2] Men and women are constructed to behave and interact in ways that perpetuate their gendered identities. However, there is a vital distinction at work here, one that will underpin this essay — the difference between sex and gender. Although this difference is highly contentious and widely contested, it will inform the essay’s discussion of gender equality. Sex and gender are classifications for differentiating between men and women. Sex, in contrast to gender, refers to the determination made based upon scientifically accepted biological criteria. The distinction of sex can be made through the classification of ‘… genitalia at birth or chromosomal typing before birth’. [3]

The terms gender and sex are often understood to be the same thing and used interchangeably. [4] However, this only serves to conflate biological anatomy with socially constructed identities. The problem with this misconception is that in societies, such as those in the West, it is assumed that the reproductive function of males and females is a sufficient basis for prescribing psychological and behavioural characteristics onto members of society. [5] In response to this, Peterson and Runyan assert that:

‘… gender should be understood as a social, not physiological, construction: Femininity and masculinity, the terms that denote one’s gender, refer to a complex set of characteristics and behaviours prescribed for a particular sex by society and learned through the socialisation process’. [6]

In other words, society, not biology, confines males and females to particular masculine and feminine character profiles. This means that gender is not fixed. Christian states that ‘… it is perfectly feasible for gender to change while biological sex remains the same’. [7] Gender should be considered an adjustable and fluid concept, as opposed to the more static disposition of biology.

According to Freud, the human subject has always been sexed , and that despite the biological differences, males and females have become particular social subjects. [8] The biological individual can be viewed as a blank canvas upon which gendered identities are projected and performed through socialisation. Therefore, the supposed differences between men and women are accentuated through the legitimisation of social stereotypes. These stereotypes, presented as inherent, are influenced by the social environment to which one is subjected. Male and female gender profiles are normalised to the extent that they appear natural, biological. Freud, who pioneered early psychoanalysis of the unconscious, was able to examine the ‘… continuity between normal and neurotic mental life, the concepts of repression and the unconscious, and the metal process to be ‘read’ through dreams, jokes, slips of the tongue and symptoms’. [9]

His work provided much needed insight into understanding inherent and normative views of gender identities. By definition, psychoanalytic theory aims to deconstruct what is explicitly or unintentionally communicated to illuminate the latent ‘… fantasies, anxieties, and desires of the speaking subject’. [10] In relation to gender, psychoanalysis stresses that our biology is experienced within culture, not nature, and ‘… that the effect of culture is to transform and channel biology and instinct in particular ways’. [11] Thus, the psychological differences between males and females are mostly, if not entirely, socially constructed.

This view, however, is not universally shared. In his paper titled, Feminism Against Science , Goldberg argues that the cognitive and behavioural differences between men and women are established through their respective physiologies, and that society and gender are a reflection of biological realities. [12] Moir and Jessel also advocate for biological determinism, arguing that to proclaim that men and women ‘… are the same in aptitude, skill, or behaviour is to build a society based on a biological and scientific lie’, and that biological reality reveals a comparative relationship of sexual asymmetry. [13] The argument raised by Goldberg, Moir, and Jessel is allegedly based on solid scientific findings. The ethos offered by ‘science’ is easy to succumb to. However, these ‘findings’ and results are often filtered and manipulated to strengthen the author’s argument. In her book, Sex Differences in Cognitive Abilities , Halpern contends that throughout her study, the most important lesson she learnt was that ‘… researchers, like the rest of us, maintain a particular world view that they use in interpreting research findings’. [14] So when analysis arguments about gender, nothing should be unquestioningly accepts as irrefutable, scientific fact.

Discussions about gender are often adjacent to discussions that attempt to determine the intellectual capacities of either sex. Debates of this nature were generated in the late nineteenth century, when it was determined, with scientific vindication, that the challenges and complexities of academia were deemed too overwhelming for the female mind. [15] This attempt to distinguish sex difference on the basis of physiology is one found in evolutionary theory. The theory argues that men and women ‘… pursue distinctive strategies to achieve reproductive effectiveness, with sometimes significant divergence’. [16] This view reduces human existence to the reproductive function. It supports the idea that the only factor of sexual differentiation that needs to be considered is the reproductive process. [17] The pursuit of survival is thus contingent upon successful reproduction, which creates a lineage of evolution for both men and women. Wilson, a Darwinist evolutionary theorist argues in his book, The Great Sex Divide , that for individuals who ‘… perform their sex role more successfully, their genes would have superior survival value, and so we would expect progressive differentiation of physical and mental equipment as parallel evolutionary developments’. [18] That is to say, human evolution is based on the propensity of an individual to fulfil their biological function. Therefore, sex differences are of vital importance to survival. Wilson also contends that the differences between men and women ‘… are observed, fairly universally, regardless of species or culture, time or place’. [19] This kind of argument lies at the very centre of gender inequality. Differentiation can unintentionally, and intentionally, cultivate a culture of discrimination. In categorising the differences between two subjects, one is automatically participating in a process of judgment. This judgment can manifest as a destructive bias or a positive comparison.

Sex difference has been biologically substantiated, and, in some cases, justified in the development of evolution. However, some argue that males and females are increasingly similar than different. For example, Epstein, in her book Deceptive Distinctions , maintains that distinctions based on gender identities serve more harm than good, and that attempts to divide the sexes based on intelligence present dysfunctional consequences for society. [20] In many ways, the argument returns to the age-old question: Are women mentally inferior to men? Some scholars argue in the affirmative, that men and women exhibit asymmetrical cognitive capabilities. However, scholars such as Seligman answer in the negative: ‘no, [women] are not. Data are now being laid on the table that show that, on average, men and women are equal in mental ability’. [21] Since the late nineteenth-century, research has studied sex difference across a plethora of psychological planes, such as mental abilities, attitudes, interest, personality traits, and emotions. Moreover, Connell, like Seligman, states that ‘… sex differences, on almost every psychological trait measured, are either non-existent or fairly small’. [22]

Across many social and academic spheres, the question of who is the smarter sex is deemed unanswerable. Given the tendency of researchers to favour a sex, most concede then that men and women are ‘even’ [23] Researchers are gendered subjects, conditioned by sociocultural gender constructs. They may support the superiority of a particular sex, which in turn, is deliberately or intuitively reflected in their respective research. This is why psychoanalysis ‘… does not assume the existence of an a priori “self” or “ego”’, but asserts that personal identity is contingent upon social conditioning. [24] Researchers do not operate, nor conduct their research, in isolation of reality. They are thus influenced by universal social discourses such as race, gender, and class. Absolute scientific objectivity is a standard difficult to uphold. Halpern warns of the existence of researchers that allow their bias for either sex to direct their study outcomes, such as Rushton and Jenson who ‘… steadfastly maintain that women are less intelligent than men’. [25] Views such as this intensify the gender divide by supporting the notion of male dominance, which further solidifies gender disparities. As Gaitanidis states, the conditions, which produce gender identities, are not quasi-universal; sociocultural and historical forces intrude in our lives to shape our personal identities. [26] Therefore, favouring certain data can be a symptom of cultural influences, such as gendered sex roles.

Sex difference has been largely debunked, or at the very least, considered inconclusive. The general consensus is that neither sex is psychologically superior. The emphasis is rather on the socialisation of difference, where the male and female gender constructs are influenced by worldviews, perceived norms and the unconscious. The variation of positions on sex difference indicates how pervasive the gender paradigm is, and how even purportedly objective areas of study, like science, can be skewed to perpetuate the idea of male intellectual dominance. The revolutionary work of feminists and social constructivists over the past four decades has highlighted the impact and influence of gender constructs on sociocultural life and knowledge. [27] Kimmel summarises the scale and influence of gender as an organising principle of society by stating, ‘virtually every society known to us is founded upon assumptions of gender difference and the politics of gender inequality’. [28] This point becomes foundational when answering the question of how traditional masculinity affects the manner in which men engage with gender equality. At this juncture, the essay needs to address this question.

Debates about gender equality refer to the asymmetrical power balance experienced between men and women due to differences in their gendered identities. [29] On this, Peterson and Runyan contend that:

‘… the social construction of gender is actually a system of power that not only divides men and women as masculine and feminine but typically also places men and masculinity above women and femininity and operates to value more highly those institutions and practices that are male dominated and/or representative of masculine traits and styles’. [30]

This is a contemporary analysis of modern gender constructs and the relations between the sexes, yet the idea of gender equality has been a major international principle of the 1948 Universal Declaration of Human Rights. [31] Despite this, Grossman and McClain argue that progress towards achieving gender equality have failed to substantially materialise, and that there still exists ‘… a stark gap between formal commitments to the equal rights and responsibilities of men and women and against discrimination and subordination based on sex the gendered realities of women’s lives’. [32]

The term ‘gender equality’, when deconstructed in isolation, unveils fundamental problems. Some argue the term is a paradox; gender is a system based on difference, and thus could never transform into a state of equivalence. [33] Parvikko frames equality ‘… as a concept which obscures differences’, and states that in contemporary liberal political thought, equality and difference are incommensurate. [34] Such difficulties in the application of the term have resulted in some people proclaiming that gender equality should be considered a discourse rather than a fixed term. This approach is much more constructive, as it recognises gender equality as a fluid concept that responds to the unique requirements of specific contexts. [35] Gender equality has many variants and interpretations, such as formal substantive equality. [36] This essay will consider equality as a system that facilitates equal opportunity. As echoed by men and women across all continents, in the World Development Report conducted by The World Bank, gender equality was seen to encompass three key elements: ‘the accumulation of endowments (education, health, and physical assets); the use of those endowments to take up economic opportunity and generate incomes; and the application of those endowments to take actions, or agency , affecting individual and household well-being’. [37] This is not an exhaustive list of what constitutes gender equality, but it provides a solid foundation for what it should entail. With this in mind, the essay will now discuss the relationship between masculinity and gender equality.

Gender is an organising principle of social life, and change towards equality will require exceptional institutional and gender identity reform. [38] Realising gender equality is strongly weighted on the contribution of males, because ‘… the very gender inequalities in economic assets, political power, cultural authority, and means of coercion that gender reform intend to change (ultimately) mean that men control most of the resources required to implement women’s claims for justice’. [39] In Australia, men make up the overwhelming majority of key decision-makers. In 2012, women comprised only 26.5% of Federal Parliament, and in the private sector constituted approximately 10% of company board members and 24.7% of managers. [40] Thus, men are an essential enabler for gender reform. Masculinities and male stereotypes must be studied and deconstructed in order to effect change in how men relate to women.

Stereotypes, or gender profiles, play an important role in the discussion of gender equality. They attribute certain characteristics to whole segments of society with the intention of presenting perception as truth. [41] In relation to gender, stereotypes form the basis of how society believes men and women should act. The scale to which gender stereotypes impact society is articulated by Epstein who argues:

‘no aspect of social life — whether the gathering of crops, the ritual of religion, the formal dinner party, or the organisation of government — is free from the dichotomous thinking that casts the world in categories of “male” and “female”‘. [42]

Gender stereotypes are inherently political; they can be used as tools for manipulating power relations between men and women. They are naturalised within society through a process of reproduction and maintenance. To this end, gender stereotypes become ‘… self-fulfilling: if we expect certain behaviours, we may act in ways that in fact create and reinforce such behaviours’. [43]

Masculinities, as is the case with femininities for women, are socially constructed gender profiles under which men are categorised. However, they are not created equal. For men, there is ‘… a culturally preferred version that is held up as the model against which we [men] are to measure ourselves’. [44] The dominant model to which men must aspire is what Connell describes as hegemonic masculinity. It is a location within the male gender hierarchy that occupies the hegemonic, or top position. [45] However, hegemonic masculinity is not a fixed position, and occupying the position is contestable. Masculinity can be viewed as a social order that lends analysis and structure from Gramsci’s notion of class relations. As such, hegemonic masculinity retains the dominant position of social life, while other masculinities, such as homosexual masculinity, [46] and women are subordinated. [47] The current, and historical, occupier of this hegemonic position is traditional masculinity, which:

‘… refers to the stereotypical twentieth-century male-chauvinist outlook and activities resulting from the kinds of gender socialisation conventionally seen as appropriate to males in Western societies since at least the late Victorian times’. [48]

An example of how gender stereotypes are cultivated in society, and how hegemonic masculinity is highly valued, is in New Zealand where some schools are pressured to employ male teachers. The rationale for this is to preserve boys’ masculinity through the appointment of ‘real men’ teachers who exhibit characteristics consistent with hegemonic masculinity. [49]

Men who exhibit the traits of traditional masculinity are considered to possess hegemonic masculinity. In order to aspire to this social classification, there is a particular set of core features that a man must demonstrate. These include: power/strength, rationality, heterosexuality, risk-taking, dominance, leadership, control, and repression of emotions. [50] Given that identities, and indeed gender profiles, must be defined, reconstructed, and performed, it is argued that the construction of masculine identities by men is a conscious attempt to maintain their power within the gender hierarchy. [51] This may be true in some cases, however, to apply this universally is problematic. New contends that while ‘men are frequently the agents of the oppression of women, and in many cases benefit from it, their interests in the gender order are not pre-given but constructed by and within it’. [52] To achieve gender equality, it must be recognised that hegemonic masculinities can be altered, or even replaced, through the socialisation process from which they are initially constructed.

Public and private engagement with gender equality is scarce among males, which often obscures the issue and manifests dismissive attitudes. One of the main issues regarding gender equality is that men do not comprehensively understand how traditional masculinities disadvantage women. Many men are unaware they exist within socially constructed gender structures that disenfranchise subordinated gender profiles, and therefore do not recognise a problem. [53] Thus, engaging in discussion about gender equality is often a pointless experience for men who find it challenging to appreciate how entrenched the issue is in society. Fortunately, attitudes, and the gender profiles they are associated with, are subject to social construction and transformation. Christian argues that:

‘sexist attitudes and actions are currently an integral part of the dominant masculinity, but if masculinities are socially constructed by and for each generation of males growing up, rather than genetically inherited, then masculinities can change and sexism can in principle be eradicated’. [54]

However, social construction and indeed, deconstruction, is contingent upon the participation of relevant stakeholders. The supportive involvement of all those affected by gender is required to effect gender equality. In other words, the global community as a whole.

Worldwide, Plan International found three general categories for men’s attitudes towards gender equality: those who recognise gender inequality and seek to address it — the smallest group; those who acknowledge gender inequality but are afraid that empowering girls will come at the expense of boys; and, those who either do not perceive an imbalance, or do not believe in equal rights — the largest group. [55] The significance of this research highlights the overwhelming percentage of men who do not recognise a problem, or do not believe in equal opportunity. These attitudes present a considerable hurdle in reaching gender equality, as they are taught to children and carried on through the generations. A research program commissioned by Plan of over 4,000 adolescent children in different countries including the United Kingdom (UK), Rwanda, and India, found that: 83% of boys and 87% of girls in India and 67% of girls and 71% of boys in Rwanda agree with the statement ‘changing diapers, giving kids a bath and feeding kids are the mother’s responsibility’. More than 60% of participants agreed that ‘if resources are scarce it is better to educate a boy instead of a girl’ and 65% of children in Rwanda and India agreed that ‘a woman should tolerate violence in order to keep her family together’. [56] While this research was conducted among a limited sample, it highlights the startling reality of gender inequality and the continuity of male dominance.

One of the major principles of traditional masculinity that harms gender equality is that women are fundamentally inferior to men. This view can be traced back to the Greek philosopher Aristotle, who based this claim on the principles of reason. He surmised that ‘masculinity was equated with the human rationality of men, and women were marked by sexuality, emotion, and their bodies’. [57] The notion that men are intellectually superior has already been disproved; however, what Aristotle articulates about women and their bodies remains relevant. According to the French feminist philosopher, Beauvoir, men consider humanity to be constructed in their image: ‘it is clear that in dreaming of himself as donor, liberator, redeemer, man still desires the subjection of women’. [58] This idea of male superiority and female inferiority is one that must be maintained by traditional masculinity if it is to occupy the hegemonic gender identity. Attitudes that stem from traditional masculinity, such as ‘… the notion that “real men” are tough and hard and that the only appropriate emotion for them to display is anger’, [59] present a significant barrier towards gender equality.

Due to the fact that traditional masculinity discourages the expression of emotion, men rarely discuss their feelings. Evidence of this is presented in the positive relationship between traditional masculinity and depression among male university students in the UK and United States. It was ‘… found that conformity to Western masculine norms in and of itself is a risk factor for developing depression’. [60] Men compound the issue of depression by aligning with traditional masculinity. Hanninen and Valkonen argue that the principles of masculinity inhibit the expression of weakness or emotional distress and the seeking of help to remedy it. [61] In addition, analysis into the individual accounts of men’s depression ‘… reveals how depression threatened a man’s masculine identity and how recovery presupposed reconstructing one’s self-image and masculinity’. [62] This identifies a lack of openness to change in traditional masculinity. In other words, traditional masculinity is not equipped to respond to challenges that threaten its integrity, such as depression (perceived as emotional weakness) and gender equality.

Changing or altering traditional masculinity should be more widely recognised as an important step towards realising gender equality. In light of this, some gender equality advocate groups around the world have identified the need to promote masculinities that are more conducive of change. MenEngage is a group for boys and men whose primary function is to advocate for equality between males and females. [63] To this end, they have identified that ‘… questioning men’s and women’s attitudes and expectations about gender roles is crucial to achieving gender equality’. Those who acknowledge the existence of gender equality, and seek to address it, agree that equality cannot progress without the contribution of males. [64] It is increasingly evident that the deconstruction of traditional masculinity presents a primary concern, as its uncompromising nature makes it less responsive to revolution. [65]

By encouraging males to become more open and discuss their masculinities, it is possible to educate them on how their social roles and responsibilities impact women. Developing male attitudes towards open acknowledgement of the gender profiles they operate within is an important step in reaching gender equality. The absence of such progress would only serve to maintain the ‘… disempowerment of girls and young women down the generations — and the restriction of boys and young men to traditional “male roles”’. [66] Efforts in this approach to gender equality have yielded that: according to the United Nations Population Fund, boys that grow up with positive male role models are found to be more critical towards negative gender stereotypes and inequalities; men who maintain a healthy engagement with their children are less inclined to be depressed, suicidal or violent; and, boys that have more engaging fathers are less inclined to exhibit risky sexual behaviour. [67] Latin American NGOs also found similar character traits in young men who supported gender equality. These similarities included: having a peer-group or group of friends that were more accepting of gender-equitable attitudes; having personally suffered the negative impacts of traditional masculinity such as domestic violence; and, having a positive adult role model that represented an alternative to traditional gender roles. [68] This indicates that positive, nurturing, and engaging character traits exhibited by males are constructive towards gender equality. Furthermore, this suggests that gender equality is achievable through the deconstruction of traditional masculinity as the hegemonic masculinity.

Male stereotypes affect the manner in which males engage with gender equality, and traditional masculinity acts as the dominant masculinity for men. Although different masculinities exist for men, the idea of traditional masculinity remains the most influential. Realising gender equality is difficult, because the fundamental characteristics exhibited by traditional masculinity defend against change. For global gender equality to progress, males must recognise themselves as fundamental actors and actively work to change the patriarchal structures, which benefit them to the exclusion of all others. Without the supportive contribution of males, gender equality is doomed to perpetuate existing power imbalances that favour traditional masculinity. To progress towards gender equality, efforts must be made to deconstruct traditional masculinity.

[1] R. W. Connell, Masculinities , 2 nd ed. (Australia: Allen & Unwin, 2005), p. 67.

[2] M. Hughs and P. Paxton, Women, Politics, and Power: A Global Perspective , 2 nd ed. (London: SAGE Publications, Inc., 2014), pp. 24-25.

[3] D. Zimmerman and C. West, ‘Doing Gender’, in A. Aronson and M.Kimmel (eds.), The Gendered Society Reader , 5 th ed. (New York: Oxford University Press, 2014), p. 122.

[4] V. S. Peterson and A. Runyan, Global Gender Issues (Oxford: Westview Press, 1993), p. 17.

[5] Zimmerman and West, op. cit. (2014), p. 122.

[6] Peterson and Runyan, op. cit. (1993), p. 17.

[7] H. Christian, The Making of Anti-Sexist Men (London: Routledge, 1994), p. 6.

[8] M. Gatens, Feminism and Philosophy: Perspectives on Difference and Equality (Cambridge: Polity Press, 1991), p. 102.

[9] Connell, op. cit. (2005), pp. 8-9.

[10] D. Britzman, ‘Psychoanalytic Theory’, in Encyclopaedia of Curriculum Studies (Online: Sage Publications, Inc., 2010), p. 693.

[11] Gatens, op. cit. (1991), p. 103.

[12] S. Goldberg, ‘Feminism Against Science’, National Review, vol. 43, no. 21 (1991), p. 30.

[13] A. Moir and D. Jessel, Brain Sex: the real difference between men and women (London: Mandarin, 1997), p. 6.

[14] D. Halpern, Sex Differences in Cognitive Abilities, 4 th ed. (New York: Psychology Press, 2012), pp. 97-98.

[15] Connell, op. cit. (2005), p. 21.

[16] J. Ashfield, The Making of a Man: reclaiming masculinity and manhood in the light of reason, 2 nd ed. (Australia: Peacock Publications, 2004), p. 154.

[17] G. Wilson, The Great Sex Divide (Washington, D.C.: Scott-Townsend Publishers, 1992), p. 20.

[18] Ibid., p. 19.

[20] G. Sharwell, ‘Review of Deceptive Distinctions: Sex, Gender, and the Social Order by Cynthia Fuchs Epstein; A Woman’s Wage: Historical Meanings and Social Consequences by Alice Kessler-Harris’, Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Sciences , vol. 517 (1991), p. 229.

[21] D. Seligman, ‘Gender Mender’, Forbes (41998), available online: http://www.forbes.com/forbes/1998/0406/6107072a.html (accessed 22 October 2013).

[22] Connell, op. cit. (2005), p. 21.

[23] Halpern, op. cit. (2012), p. 96.

[24] Gatens, op. cit. (1991), p. 100.

[25] Halpern, op. cit. (2012), p. 96.

[26] N. Gaitanidis, ‘Benign Masculinity and Critical Reason’, Psychotherapy and Politics International , vol. 10, no. 3 (2012), p. 220.

[27] M. Kimmel, ‘Introduction’, in A. Aronson and M. Kimmel (eds.), The Gendered Society Reader, 5 th ed. (New York: Oxford University Press, 2014), p. 1.

[28] Ibid, p. 2.

[29] World Bank, World Development Report 2012: Gender Equality and Development (Washington D.C.: The World Bank, 2012), p. 4.

[30] Peterson and Runyan, op. cit. (1993), p. 18.

[31] R. Connell, Confronting equality: gender, knowledge and global change (UK: Polity Press, 2011), p. 15.

[32] J. Grossman and L. McClain (eds.), Gender Equality: Dimensions of Women’s Equal Citizenship (New York: Cambridge University Press, 2011), p. 1.

[33] J. Flax, ‘Gender Equality’, in M. Horowitz (ed.), New Dictionary of the History of Ideas (Detroit: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 2005), p. 701.

[34] T. Parvikko, ‘Conceptions of Gender Equality: Similarity and Difference’, in E. Meehan and S. Sevenhuijsen (eds.), Equality Politics and Gender (London: SAGE Publications, Inc., 1991), p. 36.

[35] C. Bacchi, ‘Review of Promblematizing “Gender Equality” by Magnusson, Eva, Malin Ronnblom and Harriet Silius, eds,’ Nordic Journal of Feminist and Gender Research , vol. 17, no. 4 (2009), p. 304.

[36] Parvikko, op. cit. (1991), p. 48.

[37] World Bank, op. cit. (2012), p. 4.

[38] Connell, op. cit. (2011), p. 17.

[40] Department of Social Services, ‘Background Paper: ‘The role of men and boys in gender equality’ (2013), available online: http://www.fahcsia.gov.au/our-responsibilities/women/programs-services/international-engagement/united-nations-commission-on-the-status-of-women/background-paper-the-role-of-men-and-boys-in-gender-equality (accessed 21 October 2013).

[41] Peterson and Runyan, op. cit. (1994), p. 21.

[42] C. Epstein, Deceptive Distinctions (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1988), p. 232.

[43] Peterson and Yunyan, op. cit. (1994), p. 22.

[44] Kimmel, op. cit. (2014), p. 4.

[45] Connell, op. cit. (2005), p. 76.

[46] Homosexual masculinity is considered to be a gender profile that is subordinated in relation to the hegemonic masculinity. — R. Connell, ‘A Very Straight Gay: Masculinity, Homosexual Experience, and the Dynamics of Gender’, American Sociological Review, vol. 57, no. 6 (1992), p. 735-737.

[47] Christian, op. cit. (1994), p. 7; and Connell, op. cit. (2005), p. 77.

[48] Christian, op. cit. (1994), p. 7.

[49] J. Clarke and P. Cushman, ‘Masculinities and Femininities: Student-Teachers Changing Perceptions of Gender Advantages and Disadvantages in the New Zealand Primary School Environment’, in J. Aston and E. Vasquez (eds.), Masculinity and Femininity: Stereotypes/myths, Psychology and Role of Culture (New York: Nova Science Publishers, Inc., 2013), p. 2.

[50] H. Mansfield, Manliness (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2006), p. 23; and Clarke and Cushman, op. cit. (2013), p. 2.

[51] D. Collison and J. Hearn. 1996. ‘”Men” at “work”: multiple masculinities/multiple workplaces’, in M. Mac an Ghaill (ed.), Understanding Masculinities: Social Relations and Cultural Arenas (Buckingham: Open University Press, 1996), p. 65.

[52] New as quoted in O. G. Holter, ‘Social Theories for Researching Men and Masculinities: Direct Gender Hierarchy and Structural Inequality’, in R.W. Connell, J. Hearn and M. Kimmel (eds.), Handbook of Studies on Men and Masculinities (Thousand Oaks, California: SAGE Publications, Inc., 2005), p. 15.

[53] Department of Social Services, op. cit. (2013).

[54] Christian, op. cit. (1994), pp. 7-8.

[55] IRIN, ‘Gender Equality: Why involving men is crucial’ (2011), available online: http://www.irinnews.org/report/93870/gender-equality-why-involving-men-is-crucial (accessed 18 October 2013).

[56] Plan, Because I am a Girl: The State of the World’s Girls 2011 – So, what about boys? (Plan International, 2011), p. 3.

[57] J. Gardner, ‘Men, Masculinities, and Feminist Theory’, in R.W. Connell, J. Hearn and M. Kimmel (eds.), Handbook of Studies on Men and Masculinities (Thousand Oaks, California: SAGE Publications, Inc., 2005), p. 36.

[58] S. de Beauvoir and H. Parshley (trans. ed.), The Second Sex (New York: Bantam Books, 1968), p. 172.

[59] Plan, op. cit. (2011), p. 4.

[60] J. Oliffe et al., 2010. ‘Masculinities and college men’s depression: Recursive relationships’, Health Sociology Review, vol. 19, no. 4 (2010), p. 466.

[61] V. Hanninen and J. Valkonen, ‘Narratives of Masculinity and Depression’, Men and Masculinities , vol. 16 (2012), p. 161.

[62] Ibid, pp. 161-162.

[63] MenEngage, ‘What we believe’ (2008), available online: http://www.menengage.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=12:what-we-believe&catid=4:about-us&Itemid=10 (accessed 20 October 2013).

[65] Mansfield, op. cit. (2006), pp. 31-32.

[66] IRIN, op. cit. (2011).

[67] Plan, op. cit. (2012), p. 4.

[68] V. Fonseca et al., ‘Program H and Program M: Engaging young men and empowering young women to promote gender equality and health’ (2010), available online: http://www.promundo.org.br/en/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/OPASINGLES_WEB.pdf (accessed 21 October 2013).

— Written by: Aydon Edwards Written at: University of Queensland Written for: Dr. Samid Suliman Date written: November 2013

Further Reading on E-International Relations

• How Does Hegemonic Masculinity Influence Wartime Sexual Violence?
• Gender Quotas: Towards an Improved Democracy
• Trump‘24 or Before: Militias and the Marketplace of Masculinity
• The Impotent Man: How Constructed UK/EU Gender Identities Legitimised Brexit
• The Gendered Dimensions of Anti-Nuclear Weapons Policy
• Re-Framing Gender Relations in Conflict Settings: UNSCR 1325 in Sierra Leone

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Want to Know What a Real Man Is? Read This.

Brian Broome, the award-winning author of 'Punch Me Up to the Gods,' says the conversation about who gets to define masculinity must be more inclusive.

IN THE FALL of 1988, I was an 18-year-old man in my first year of college. I had escaped my small hometown and made it a whopping 80 miles away to Akron, Ohio. I felt trapped and insisted upon going to college come hell or high water, so I’d worked a job at Kmart and finagled every bit of financial aid I could. My mother didn’t understand why I wanted to go to college and asked me several times why I didn’t just go into the military. You know, like the other boys.

One night, I was walking on campus and saw a young man showing every sign of distress. He was unabashedly crying: red face, leaking tears and snot everywhere. The kind of crying that makes the chest convulse, and the words can only escape between sobs. His situation became clearer the closer I got. He was standing in front of the house of a young woman who must have been, until recently, his girlfriend. He was heartbroken. Begging. Shouting up at her window Stanley Kowalski–style for her to take him back. He was also clearly drunk.

As I walked closer still, the young man’s friends, equally drunk, found him in this pitiable state and stopped to help. The help they offered came in the form of calling him names. Pussy. Bitch. As in “Stop being a . . .” and “You’re acting like a little . . .” They chastised him for his tears and repeatedly asked him about the whereabouts of his balls.

Men often do this kind of thing to one another, it seems.

But the name-calling he endured was nothing compared with what they were doing to the young woman locked away in her house. Even in her absence, she too became a “bitch,” but in a more pointed and vicious way. Due to her decision to leave him, she became a “whore” and a “slut.” It didn’t take long for the crying man to join in on the name-calling. I walked by this spectacle vaguely amused. I never thought about the young woman inside who must have been hearing all this. And I never thought about that night again until more than 30 years later.

I have known from the time I was maybe eight that I was gay. As I turned into a gay teenager, I realized starkly that if I didn’t get out of my small rural town, I would perish. Either by my own hand or by someone else’s. College was the only escape plan I could think of. The night I saw the crying man, I didn’t compare his situation with mine, because he was apparently heterosexual. Back in my hometown, I had been called all the same names. But for different reasons.

The American history that we are living through now is spawning new and larger cultural conversations around masculinity. People are examining what it means—and what it even really is. And it feels to me as if gay men are largely being left out of these conversations. It’s as if, by virtue of being gay, we have forfeited any credibility on the subject. But it isn’t the case that gay men don’t have anything useful to add to the dialogue—maybe precisely because we are gay.

In Akron I went to my first gay club after coming out. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen. It was loud and debaucherous. I saw “butch” lesbians, “lipstick” lesbians, drag queens, muscle dudes clad in leather, twink boys, and bears. All of them, in their own ways, disrupting the ideas our culture holds about what is masculine and feminine and who gets to inhabit those roles. Although I didn’t get it at the time, these people were showing up in the world to impress upon me that gender roles are little more than a human construct. And this idea is what perturbs homophobes the most—the idea that although men and women differ physically, the same feelings and emotions show up in the same way in every orientation of either sex.

But there are some who don’t want to cede the social power that comes with the masculine construct. Who conflate masculinity with strength and femininity with weakness. So they hold tight to these roles and to their contempt for those who flout them. Many political figures on the right seem to pine for the days when women knew their place and queer people didn’t overtly exist at all. When we risked being jailed for being who we are.

It’s queer people, regardless of how we present ourselves, who throw a big monkey wrench into the myth these people have invested in—based their entire existence upon, even. But nothing is immutably true simply because it’s all you’ve ever known. I wonder if we men are still so susceptible to other men assaulting our self-esteem that we promote these antiquated gender roles just so we don’t lose face around them. Or whether we’re still holding the shame we felt when rituals were enacted upon us as children to stomp out any feeling we had or action we took that was deemed feminine.

In other words: Are we still afraid of being called sissies?

Misogynists such as Andrew Tate preach male dominance and female submission. Some of these influencers boast billions of views on social media. They refer to themselves as “alpha males” and to those who don’t behave the way they do as “betas,” which is just a new way of calling other men sissies. What these men preach is dangerous to both women and the men they preach to, encouraging so-called incels whose core belief is that women owe them something simply because they are male. When the women don’t give it to them, it can end in violence.

What the followers of Tate and others are being taught is that real men aren’t supposed to feel anything at all. Of course we feel loneliness, rejection, insecurity, and sadness as acutely as women do, but “alpha males” preach that those feelings must be sutured—tied off and shoved down deep inside until the only thing that’s left is anger, the only emotion that men are permitted unfettered access to. Like the hero seeking revenge in an action movie.

Anger erupts in the most terrible ways. Some believe that the spate of mass shootings in America is solely due to mental illness. But because the vast majority are committed by men, I have to believe that something else is at play, which is that men are trained to bury our softer emotions. Sometimes they find a way out.

I thought about that crying young man in Akron again recently. I thought about him because a little more than ten years ago, I joined a support group and befriended a woman about my age. I liked her a great deal. Her husband didn’t like the fact that she had joined this group and was coming to grips with some things—one of which was that she didn’t want to be married to him anymore. She was beginning the process of leaving him, and they agreed on a time when he wouldn’t be home and she could pick up her things. When she did, he trapped her inside and shot her multiple times. Then himself.

This isn’t just mental illness, and it happens too often. He left a public message for her on Facebook a few days before he took her life:

“I love you! I miss you! Please talk to me. . . . Life isn’t worth living without you. . . . I fight for your love. I’ll never stop.”

I’m left wondering if he just eventually got angry, like the boy in Akron did. I wonder if his friends called him stupid names until he called her ugly names. I am angered by this—the fact that he didn’t know how to process his difficult emotions. He apparently thought what he was feeling was love, and he must have believed she owed him her life.

There is nothing wrong with masculinity. But we have to redefine it. Stop equating it with dominance and stoicism and force and begin to recognize that it also means fearlessly feeling all the emotions that come with being alive. Real life ain’t no action movie, and new and better things are required of us. More human things. Because it’s 2023 and there is no longer any such thing as a sissy.

This story originally appears in the September 2023 issue of Men's Health .

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