doing phd with a baby

How I Balanced Having A Baby In The Middle Of My PhD

by Gertrude Nonterah PhD | Mar 2, 2021

A baby and PhD?

I recorded a video on my YouTube channel on this topic, if you’d rather watch there, here you go:

I started my PhD in Microbiology and Immunology in 2009.

In 2011 I got married and in 2013, I had my first child.

Balancing a baby with a PhD in any field is no walk in the park but I did it and I lived to tell the story.

I want to start off this post by saying that everybody’s experience is going to be different. When I share my personal stories of how I got through grad school, it also takes into account that I am a Black woman and an African immigrant. While I was in grad school, I was also an international student.

So some of these may vary for you and may or may not sound familiar.

It is important that you do what is right for your family.

What I am sharing are my experiences that I hope will inspire and encourage you if you find yourself pregnant and in graduate school.

Now that I got those caveats out of the way, let’s talk about how I (realistically) balanced a PhD program with having a baby.

Baby and PhD: How I handled it

I had a supportive pi.

I will never stop thanking Dr. Cagla Tukel – my graduate school advisor.

She was key to my survival as a PhD student who also got pregnant and had a baby.

My PI was a mom herself. She understood what I was going through physiologically and emotionally.

She still expected me to do my work but I got time off to go to my doctor’s appointments for instance.

I still came into lab until the very week I gave birth!

Having a supportive PI is crucial. If you plan on having a family while in grad school, make sure you find out from your PI or advisor what their take on childbearing or family life is and choose accordingly.

Rally your support system

Listen, I know that us PhD types, we are self-starters.

Many of us like to work in reclusive environments and sometimes you might find yourself extending this to your personal life.

This doesn’t have to be the case.

Thankfully, I have an incredibly supportive husband.

Both my mother and mother-in-law travelled from Ghana to the US to live with me for a total of nine months after I had my son to help me. I don’t know how we would have survived without them.

Do you have friends and family close by?

Can someone help you with your baby for a few hours a day?

Eventually, after my mom and mom-in-law left, we paid to put my son in daycare.

Whatever you do, find a way to get a support system around you.

It will be crucial to your success.

I am not the most organized person in the world. But I realized a long time ago that even just a little planning ahead can save you time and emotional stress.

I plan meals ahead by cooking pots of stew or soup that can be consumed with various accompaniments.

When I was breastfeeding, I pumped my milk when I had an extra supply and stored the rest so my son would have breastmilk when I was not home.

I did my best to plan out my experiments and performed a lot of them while I was still pregnant.

I had a lot of useful data by the time I had my baby and that formed the basis of a first-author paper for my PhD.

By just doing a little bit of planning ahead of time, you can set yourself up for success as a mom juggling a baby and a PhD.

Whatever you do, do not overthink it

You are not the first person to get pregnant during a rigorous PhD and you will not be the last.

Even when hard things are happening, realize that others before you have been through that and survived and so you can survive too.

If you need to speak with a counselor to get tools to help you cope, do that.

Even though I am not an exercise junkie, I walked a lot during my pregnancy. It was therapeutic. No matter how hard my day was, I knew if I took a walk, I would feel better.

So don’t be hard on yourself.

You will get through this and live to tell the story too!

So that is how I balanced having a baby in the middle of my PhD.

It was not easy.

People might look at you funny even.

Ignore them and enjoy that beautiful life growing inside of you!

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Pregnant and Pursuing a PhD, the Ultimate Juggling Act

Completing a doctorate and another monumental task: having a baby

Liz Upton with her daughter, two-year-old Eleanor. Photo by Cydney Scott

Megan Woolhouse

Motherhood has its highs and lows. So does completing a PhD. But doing them together? It’s a bit like juggling chainsaws and eating a hamburger while riding a unicycle.

Competent, accomplished, and very tired, Liz Upton (GRS) has done both and has stories to tell. The 34-year-old will graduate from BU May 19th with a PhD in statistics and has already accepted a tenure track teaching position at Williams College. And she achieved this as a new mom raising a baby girl.

It’s a happy ending, one that belies Upton’s behind-the-scenes slog to success—a messy, chaotic, and sometimes frustrating journey that upended life as she knew it.

Like the time Upton was asked to present her research at a symposium in Connecticut in front of hundreds of colleagues in her field. It wasn’t the intricacies of statistical analysis that tripped her up–it was her breast pump. She had accidentally left a piece of it at home and was unable to get a replacement.

Mortified at the prospect of leaking milk during her presentation, she found herself in the hotel bathroom, expressing milk by hand and asking herself, “What am I doing with my life?”

“I would recommend getting pregnant,” Upton reflects now, without a trace of sarcasm. “As long as you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

Upton at the conference where she forgot part of her breast pump. Photo courtesy of Upton

Even statisticians like Upton can’t say the exact numbers of women who get pregnant while getting a PhD. Studies are scarce.

But more professional women who are having children over age 30 are speaking out about the reality of motherhood, in all its complicated, mashed-peas-and-carrots-on-your-clothes glory. Just Google “PhDs and pregnancy” and see the essays and comments on the subject. In a recent New York Times piece , economist Emily Oster says she envisioned a sort of air-brushed motherhood that would allow her to breastfeed an infant under a cute color-coordinated cover while joining friends for weekend brunch.

“That is not what it was like at all ,” she writes. “Like many women, I found breast-feeding incredibly hard. I have one particularly vivid memory of trying to nurse my screaming daughter in a 100-degree closet at my brother’s wedding.”

Some experts have speculated that one of the reasons men with math and science PhDs outnumber women is related to the years of intense schooling the degree requires, typically between the ages of 25 and 33, a time that also coincides with a woman’s prime childbearing years.

Those women who get their PhDs in the sciences also secure tenure track positions and tenure at lower rates than men, often because of the demands associated with marriage and children. Married women with children are about 35 percent less likely to enter a tenure track position after earning a PhD than married men with children, according to “Keeping Women in the Science Pipeline,” a 2011 article in The Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science . And when they do, they are 27 percent less likely to achieve tenure than their male counterparts.

Upton says having a family was always a top priority for her and her husband, Ted Upton, a Boston entrepreneur. After graduating from the University of New Hampshire and Harvard’s Graduate School of Education, Liz Upton worked in finance and as a high school math teacher before applying to BU’s PhD program in statistics. Knowing she wanted a family, before enrolling, she asked other graduate students in the program about the feasibility of having a child.

Everyone directed her to the lone graduate student who had done both, she says.

Undeterred, Upton became pregnant early in her third year, while she was studying for her qualifying exams and teaching undergraduate classes. She apprehensively told her advisor, Luis Carvalho , a College of Arts & Sciences associate professor of mathematics and statistics, who hugged her and helped her create a flexible work schedule.

Carvalho, himself a father of two, says he tried to be both supportive and realistic. “I said, ‘It’s going to be harder on you,’” he recalls. “‘But I have no doubt you’ll ace this.’”

With her easy laugh, calm demeanor, and pearl earrings, Upton may have outwardly seemed like the picture of confidence and maternal joy. But there were tears and self-doubt, she says, as well as months of severe morning sickness—and not just in the morning.

“I vomited most days,” she says, noting that she was able to manage it with a doctor’s help. “After a few months, you just learn to deal with it. My work actually served as a distraction in some sense.”

Then she went into labor three weeks early and two days after passing her qualifying exams. Upton and her husband suddenly welcomed Eleanor into the world on November 7, 2016.

But the birth was easier than what was to come. Health complications from childbirth slowed her recovery, and Eleanor’s early arrival meant Upton still had unfinished coursework to submit to faculty. She says she gratefully took advantage of BU’s paid maternity leave for the spring 2017 semester, happy for the time with her daughter, but it was also an isolating experience.

“I actually found the weeks after childbirth to be surprisingly difficult,” she says. “I guess I wasn’t mentally prepared for the healing process to take so long.”

The exhaustion was often so intense that it made it hard to function. Upton says her husband was tremendously supportive and helpful, but could take only a week off from his business, which was hard on them both. But looking back, she says it also made it possible for him to take days off when they needed it.

Upton finished her coursework and research from home while newborn Eleanor slept, sometimes reading the same paragraph over and over. After three months, she began meeting weekly with her advisor again. By June she was excited to return to work, and motherhood had taken on new meaning.

“Eleanor reminds me of what’s important in life,” she says.

That year, Upton won the New England Statistics Symposium IBM Best Paper Award. The following year, she was given the CAS Outstanding Teaching Fellow Award. In addition to her research analyzing Boston crime data, Upton also managed a statistical consulting service at BU and created a student-led seminar on network statistics.

A semester after her return, the end within sight, Upton says, she became confident that she would complete her dissertation. Yes, there was guilt about time not devoted to her daughter, but she also began quoting Hillary Clinton: “Never doubt that you are valuable and powerful and deserving of every chance and opportunity in the world.”

Upton says one of the benefits of working at a University is having a flexible schedule, something she used to her advantage. She worked around Eleanor’s day care, sleep, and feeding schedule, waking up at four most mornings to work on her dissertation. She and her husband alternated day care drop-off and pickup, and she occasionally brought Eleanor to department staff meetings when day care was closed due to snow.

Upton also bought a breast pump charger that allowed her to pump while commuting to work from Watertown. At the office, she pumped in a supply closet, amid old textbooks and office supplies, and later in the first floor office she shared with other female graduate students, who drew the shades to give her privacy.

Masanao Yajima , a CAS associate professor of the practice, mathematics and statistics, says if Upton struggled, she certainly didn’t show it.

As the father of a 10-month-old and a 5-year-old, he says they often shared their parenting odyssey, from teething to sleep training. “When we got down to business, she was just another PhD student,” Yajima says. “As I say this, I can imagine my wife glaring at me.

“I don’t want to give the impression that what Liz has been doing is a trivial thing,” he adds.

No offense taken, says Upton, who wanted to be treated like any other graduate student. “Getting a PhD is hard, but it is supposed to be hard. I would never want them to take it easy on me because I am a mom—or a woman.”

Upton defended her dissertation on April 3 in front of four faculty members in a nondescript classroom on the second floor of CAS. If the setting was ordinary, the mood was not. Upton’s husband, daughter, and more than a dozen extended family members had come, excited about watching.

Two minutes into Upton’s presentation, Eleanor began to cry. Upton just laughed and proceeded, thrilled that her family could learn about her years of work analyzing Boston crime data. Two hours later, Yajima, chair of the dissertation committee, ended the session with three magic words: “Congratulations, Dr. Upton.”

If it’s been a marathon so far, Upton realizes she’s been competing in an ultra. As she prepares to move to western Massachusetts, she’s now focused on expanding her family and bringing her passion for teaching statistics to Williams students. There’s also the possibility of tenure.

Suddenly the past is receding fast.

“There were times that I was so exhausted that I couldn’t function, but I can’t remember that feeling anymore,” Upton says. “Instead, I am just really excited about what the future will bring.”

Megan Woolhouse can be reached at [email protected] .

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Boston University moderates comments to facilitate an informed, substantive, civil conversation. Abusive, profane, self-promotional, misleading, incoherent or off-topic comments will be rejected. Moderators are staffed during regular business hours (EST) and can only accept comments written in English. Statistics or facts must include a citation or a link to the citation.

There are 4 comments on Pregnant and Pursuing a PhD, the Ultimate Juggling Act

You are a rockstar, Liz! Thank you so much for sharing your journey. And thanks, BU Today, for writing this story and bringing visibility to the challenges and joy of motherhood that many of us experience while working at BU.

I cried as I read the ending of the article, so inspiring! I want to pursue my PhD in engineering. But I’m 30 now and having children is still in my future. Dr.Upton blazed a trail for women and it’s encouraging to read about her journey.

Thanks for this. I’m 24 and want to go straight for my doctorates now that I’ve got my Bachelors– but having children is also heavy on my mind. Even though I know it’s better to wait, I just don’t want to wait so long that I no longer want children.

On second thought, I did a lot more research and don’t think this is a good idea for me! aha.

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Graduate School with A Baby

Archived q&a and reviews.

Finish? leave? overwhelmed 6th-year PhD student w/baby

I would so very much appreciate advice/perspectives on finishing my neuroscience PhD with a baby. I'm a 6th-year student, officially at Boston University but doing my research in my partner's lab (he unexpectedly was offered a job on this coast). For various reasons -- incl. moving across the country just as my experiments started working -- and despite doing my very best to finish running experiments before my baby was born, I find myself with a darling 6-month-old, 1 1/2 hours commuting each day, and 2-12 months of experimental work left. 2 months if all goes well and I am satisfied with completing my thesis but not publishing; closer to a year for good controls and really excellent work.

My darling child is so rewarding and sweet, and I know this time flies by, and while I spend a full 2 days a week with him as well as some time in mornings and evenings I am exhausted and also trying to get all the house-things done. My partner does his full share, incl. 2 days/week caring for our son (grandma has the other 3 days) but I am ''pickier'' about the clean-ness of the house, having nutritious meals, etc. The graduate work has been extremely difficult, my philosophy being that high risk = high reward, and I am correspondingly depressed about it given so many failures and the possibility that I might not have anything at all to show for my work if the experiments fail (too late to switch to something easier). I'm not at all convinced I want a job in academia, but I love science and hate to quit the PhD. I'd love to be around more for my son, to not be such a weepy mess, to be a more present partner, and to have time for other things ... including reading journal articles in my field! I sometimes think I'd learn more science if I left my PhD. If I could work from home most of the time that would be lovely, but I simply can't. I don't want to be full of regrets down the road. help? overwhelmed

And now here's my personal advice. Leave it and go back if you want to. This is your BABY. In my field (high tech), a PhD is actually a liability because it indicates the opposite of a goal-oriented high-achieving type (amusingly enough.) In high tech, people used to think that if you have a PhD, you like to go long and deep into things and you're more suited to academia than for the multi-tasking, go for the gusto vibe of startup life.

I am 45. I started trying to have a child at 35 and am now in year 10 of infertility. Five and a half years ago I had a little boy and ... you BET I have enjoyed every single minute of life with him. This stuff doesn't come back. You can ALWAYS go back to school when he's in school.

One more thing: what is this 1.5 hours of commute time thing? That's flat-out insane. You shouldn't be that far away from where you're working when you're also trying to be there for your kid! Perhaps if you just ... stop, then when you start again,you'll be able to do it in circumstances that are better for you.

And there's one more thing. People in fields such as yours don't necessarily get *rewarded* for finishing their PhD, unless you're using the metric of a (IMHO overrated) academic job. IMHO you should take the time off. Stand tall. Hug your kid. Look at the sky and smile. You have plenty of time, but your kid only has one childhood. Namaste. You sound very accomplished but way too stressed!

hugs! Sophia

Regarding your home life, I'd recommend dropping the cleaning and cooking for now. That will give you more time to spend with your kid and you'll have more energy. You can get pretty nutritious instant food at trader joes and establish a pickier cleaning routine when your kid is old enough to help.

If you want to stay in science there are a lot of things you can do with a Ph.D. If you don't finish your Ph.D. you could probably still work in science, though it would always be for somebody else as a technician. With a Ph.D you could be an editor, you could work in industry (there's a LOT of that in the bay area) or if you want, stay in academia. You are so close to finishing! You can email me if you want. Erica

If not, you can definitely make some changes to ease your life and still finish--ease up on your expectations of a clean house. Find an undergrad looking to get into grad school who can assist in the lab.

Best wishes with whatever you decide to do. Deborah

Good luck! Ari

I love my job. I have the perfect amount of responsibility. Because I have the PhD I get to design and lead research projects for my center. And now I publish all the time from my current work which I find more interesting anyway. I am building up my CV, and really I have the rest of my life to pursue an academic tenure track career when the kids are older. My friends who published a lot from their dissertations and are doing the academic tenure track thing now are WAY too busy to have kids. So don't worry, and don't quit. Just get it done however you have to. And as quickly as you can. Your PhD will really help you get back into the working world when you feel ready. And once you have your PhD, it is something that can never be taken away! happy PhD mom

I finished a Ph.D. in the humanities when my son was 8 months old; he was born about four years into my research and writing, so when I was really winding everything up to finish.

Here's my two cents: give up on the sparkling clean house. It's the least significant problem of all the things you mention. And when your child gets older it will get harder to be as neat as you might have earlier anyway. You might as well learn how to live with it!

Can you afford to compromise on meals? Buy organic frozen meals sometimes? Prepare food yourself but in bulk and/or for the freezer? Have a set of familiar nutritious recipes you turn to regularly?

Do you have a time limit on when to finish you degree? Can you talk to your committee about a realistic time frame -- with a big buffer zone? Do you have to commute every day (work from home?)

I can't speak to the frustration of a being a sciences Ph.D candidate and having to face the prospect of ''no result'' from your research because that's not usually how humanities research works. But if you really want to finish and just can't figure out how to, I'd encourage you to give it your best shot, all the while knowing that this is a short phase of your life, that you can finish if you work out a plan with your advisors (and family!) and that -- to be brutally honest -- the older your baby gets the harder it _will_ be to schedule dissertation time! Good luck! anon

Hang tough, get that degree, and raise your son to admire women with brains instead of pristine housekeeping. Chris

(And being able to take a break from both? Fuhgeddaboutit!) And it sounds like you are feeling a little guilt that you are somehow shortchanging your baby. Try to put that out of your mind. Your baby has 3 loving caregivers! My main piece of hopefully helpful advice, is that having committed to finishing the Ph.D. do some serious planning and scheduling for how you and your family will get through the next year (or whatever time frame you decide to shoot for.) Include times that you expect to be more stressful and who will pick up the slack. (And don't forget to cut yourself some slack while you're at it!) p.s. I did them separately, but I still look back at both finishing my degree and new motherhood as being all a blur. So don't think that other people somehow calmly and serenely sail through, capturing and appreciating each precious moment! --Good luck!

Just had a baby - I don't know if I'll be able to finish my degree

I'm a grad student in the humanities, currently writing a dissertation, with a new baby (first child). Having a baby has made me rethink my career choice mainly because I don't know if I'll be able to finish my degree. And by the time I did, I'd probably be ready to have a second child but would also be entering the job market. I'm stressed out by the difficulty all grad students feel starting their dissertation, but the internal pressure and the emotional ambivalence and questions about my future make it even harder to get to work. And I'd rather be with my baby than work all day anyway. I'd be interested in hearing perspectives, thoughts, and feelings from others who are or have been in a similar position, especially mothers in the humanities. Thanks. ABD

This wasn't the way I imagined starting my family, necessarily, but I'm not sure if it didn't work just as well as any other way. And there are many things about the experience--namely the flexibility to take several months off or partially off--that could only happen in an academic job or in grad school. I was lucky enough to have a partner that was working full time and could support me financially and emotionally during some of the rough stretches as well.

For me, it was pretty definite that I wanted to go back to teaching. I did/do miss spending all my time with my baby, but I also get a lot of rewards out of my research and teaching that I do not want to give up. It helped that I got a lot of external support and validation of my research, so I felt like my dissertation was a project that was valuable to others as well as to me. Considering the uncertain nature of the job market in the humanities, however, I think you need to have a gut sense that of the importance of your research work to your own self to get through a dissertation, with or without a baby. A baby just throws some of the questions into sharper relief. Proud to be Dr. Mama

Good luck to you! It is a hard road, but manageable. Just take time and stay focused on your goals. PhD and Mommy to 2!

Sometimes I go to cafes at night while the baby is sleeping. Progress is slow but steady. The nice thing is, I have real perspective on my project now, and don't get all caught up in the details. By the time I am done, my son will probably be ready for preschool, and I might be able to teach part-time, or start looking for a new career. I'm certainly disenchanted with academia now that I see how incompatible it is with having kids. Sympathies and good luck, ekc

I have obviously been trying to say too much, b/c BPN tells me my post is too long! So feel free to email me if you have any more questions.

In a nutshell--

I set a rough and realistic deadline to finish. I repeatedly told my advisor and committee when I would finish. I think when your committee somehow imagines you finishing at a certain point they take you seriously and read your chapters and get back to you with comments in good time. I worked (sometimes only 15 min) on the diss EVERY day while my baby was napping.

Writing gets harder as the baby gets older, so don't be too hard on yourself if you're you're struggling to balance playtime with work time. Be realistic and don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day. Just squeeze in 10 min before bed, even proofreading footnotes.

If you know don't want to finish, withdraw right now. Having something you're not going to continue with hanging over your head is too much unnecessary stress when you've got a kid to take care of. Or, talk to your committee about withdrawing or about an extension.

I hope this is helpful. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your baby while you can. They grow up fast, believe me!

Good luck with whatever you decide! brigid

I had my first child while writing my dissertation (humanities) and honestly didn't really return to much active work until about nine months later. By then I was ready to have the intellectual outlet of a couple hours of writing a day and was able to hire college sitters for 10-15 hours a week. I am now a year out and just had a second baby. I'm home with this one, working on my book manuscript and job apps during naps, and I'll probably hire sitters again.

My flexibility is made possible by my husband's job. Our older child is in daycare 6 hours a day, and the baby is with me, so I'm a strange hybrid: both a working mom and a stay at home mom. I am extremely grateful to have had time with my babies but also then time to pursue my career. I have no idea whether I will end up successfully getting an academic job, and we'll obviously be reconsidering our situation over the next few years (and job application cycles). Perhaps I'll decide that an academic job isn't for me, but I personally won't regret my Ph.D. Ph.D. Mom

Since I've spent several years in my program, I feel that I'll be better off in the long run if I write the dissertation and get my Ph.D., no matter what I decide to do with it...even if I work on it part-time so I can still have ample time with my baby. But right now I'm OK with the idea of trying to put my baby in day care 4 hours a day starting around 4 months, and trying to focus on getting some writing in then, for I think I'll still have plenty of time with the baby...and I've accepted the fact that it will take me a bit longer to finish than other childless grad students. I have also stopped trying to project ahead too much, for I also might be wanting a second child around the time I'd be going on the job market or starting a new job...I've just decided that I will write the diss and finish, and then take it from there and decide what to do.

I empathize with your situation, but your decision to forge ahead with the diss or not is a very personal one. I know I would be upset with myself later in life if I did not get my Ph.D. and write about what I learned during my research. So my advice is to go with your gut and be honest with yourself about how much you care about finishing your program. Also a new mom and grad student

Starting grad school with a baby

Hi, It was always clear to me that I wanted to stay home with my kids for the first few years, to give them a strong and healthy foundation. So since my daughter was born last year, I have been staying home - and I LOVED it. I have never had as much fun in my life and I can see that my daughter is very happy too.

This fall, I am going to Graduate School (Masters in International Studies) and I am scared and confused. Part of me is so incredibly sad to no longer spend much time with my baby. In fact, I am so upset about it that I almost don't want to go to school. But on the other hand, I have worked very hard over the past few years to get accepted at those schools. How could I throw this away? Sure, I can always go back to school later, but not to these schools. And wouldn't it be harder once I have two kids??

I have never left my baby (12 months) in the care of somebody else. I talked to quite a few nannies and baby sitters and didn't feel comfortable with any. (I thought my baby and I should try to get used to spending time apart..) I am also worried about the amount of time I could spend with her. How many hours on average do Master's students spend on school & studying? And what kind of child care arrangements did you try? (baby sitter, nanny, day care etc.) My mother-in-law offered to come live with us, - is that a good idea?

I always had this romantic idea that studying and having a baby would work really well - until I realized how much work each a baby - and graduate school is. Help - is anybody in a similar situation? Any advice?

My concern for you is that you have never had childcare to date. There is nothing wrong with occasional childcare at any age. You need the break and they need the separation. If separation is an issue for you, then you will not do well ''on the outside''. You will need to do school work and this can't be done with a one-year-old around. My sense from your email is that you don't want to find care that is suitable - you are the only one that can care the best for your child. While I believe this is true - none of our childcare experiences would have been better overall than if I stayed home, BUT they were close enough. I think you need to decide that you REALLY want to do this, because it is a hard road, but can be very gratifying. Anon

I had already been a grad student for four years and was wrapping up my M.A. thesis when I found out I was pregnant. I took my orals two week before I was due, and then ended up staying at home with baby, ostensibly 'doing research' on my diss. but actually being entirely engrossed with the new experience of motherhood. I didn't plan it this way, but I ended up withdrawing from CAL for two entire years-- I had anticipated placing baby (okay, her name is Maia) in some kind of a care program, but when the time came for the *separation,* I couldn't do it. Call me whatever combination of weak / obsessive you like, but the bottom line for me, at the time, was that I did not feel comfortable with non-family care without my first having built up some confidence in the ''being a mom'' sector of my life. And like most folks in the Bay Area, I did not have family close-by that was willing to participate in consistent care for my child. Does this make sense?

It was when my daughter was two years old that I felt I knew what I was doing, and that I knew in my heart that it was a good time for her to start some kind of part-time care program. It was at that point that I re-entered grad school (my advisors wer GREAT. you MUST have UNDERSTANDING advisors for this sort of unconventional back-and- forth), putting Maia initially in a small, Montessori-based preschool twice a week, and eventually switching her to the CAL on-campus daycare program three days a week. Having an intense personality (gee, I wonder she gets it?) and having only had Mom or Dad as caretaker, Maia did better in the Montessori than at the CAL facility. I don't think it had as much to do with the teachers as much as it did the teaching philosophies. Maia had a VERY difficult time adjusting to the structured format of the CAL daily routine.

She defied teacher authority constantly, to the point at which the teachers called my husband and myself in for a 'consultation' with suggestions that we better discipline our daughter at home. . . It was frustrating. Since my husband and I were both grad students, we received a GENEROUS subsidy for this care, and without it, frankly, I would never have been able to go back to grad school with any real hope of finishing. We were probably poor enough to qualify for welfare, but alas, pride reared its (insert your adjective) head. It seemed that the choices were either / or. We either keep Maia where she is so that I could continue grad school, or we take her out, and I stay at home. We kept her there, thank goodness. And I stayed in school. This was two years ago. I am now a Fulbright scholar sharing a teaching position with my husband at CU Boulder, and the proud mother of a second baby, now 14 months old. Because my husband and I share a position, we can work our schedules in such a way that he is at home with the new baby while I am teaching, and vice versa.

He was not so much involved with the early care of our first, which was a strain on our marriage, to say the least. But I have to say, he has changed more diapers of baby #2 than I have, and at the dinner table, her high chair is ALWAYS at his setting. But that's another story. As for childcare for baby#2. I have the luxury of keeping her at home because of my job-share with my husband. Yes, work is slow, and yes, it can be extremely frustrating not to be able to write when I'm 'inspired.'

Besides, faculty doesn't get a nice subsidy, and childcare is atrociously expensive. My current thought is to keep her at home until she's about 2 or 2 1/2. We'll see.

Bottom line: If I can do it, you can too. It's not easy, and grad school really does take a longer time to get through with kids than without. And you will be forever poor, until you get your degree & attendant salary. Sometimes, I DO have regrets about having had mine so 'young,' the greatest being that I realize NOW the importance of financial stability.

When I had my first, I seriously thought that 'love would lead the way,' but of course, love only gets you so far, and it doesn't pay the rent. But we survived. We've been married for nine years now, have *a* job, have two kids. We don't have a dog yet, or a picket-fence kind of dwelling, but something like that will eventually be possible. Good luck with your decision-making. Hope this spiel helps. Please feel free to contact me with questions and / or support. I think many of us who have gone through this experience know how isolating and lonely it can be at times. C. M.

We are both starting doctoral programs, with a 15-mo-old

I'd really like to hear people's stories [STRUGGLES & TECHNIQUES] of juggling parenthood & school commitments when both parents are students. Also, experiences of student parents who have/had YOUNG KIDS while they are/were in school would be more helpful than those with older ones. My husband of five years and I are starting doctoral programs with 15 mnth old in tow. Thank goodness my mom, who gets along well with my husband, is staying for atleast the first semester to assist with the transition...still the anxiousness persists.

I read the ''advice given'' for the mom with husband in law school, and the thoughts/experiences articulated were helpful. Our situation is a bit different since we're BOTH students. While we're used to financial tightness [and actually with fellowships & financial aid between us, we're a little better off than when husband was working and i was home with sUn], advice on dealing with the tightening of TIME & ENERGY would be great!

Usually when I tell people in UC Village where we live that ''we'll both be in school'', I get an ''OHHH!'' that translates ''you've got a dante-ish road ahead of you'' with a ''good luck'' that translates ''glad i'm not you.'' point being, i'd like to hear from people who have the balls in the air... for perspective & encouragement

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How to balance grad school and kids.

Starting a family during grad school can be tough.

1. Take advantage of your flexible schedule

2. build your time-management skills by using every minute efficiently, 3. make the most of the resources your university offers, 4. attend academic events when necessary, 5. apply newly acquired decisiveness to your craft, 6. channel your parental confidence, 7. look forward to your kids being older and more self-sufficient as you build your career, 8. talk about your work with your kids.

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PhD and a Baby

Debugging code and changing diapers

March 28, 2018 | Jacqueline W.

I wasn’t married when I got to MIT, but I had a boyfriend named Randy who moved up to Boston with me. Two years in, we discover that it is, in fact, possible to simultaneously plan a wedding and write a master’s thesis! Two years after that? I’m sitting uncomfortably in a floppy hospital gown at Mt. Auburn Hospital using my husband’s phone to forward the reviews I’d just received on a recent journal paper submission, hoping labor doesn’t kick in full force before I finish canceling all my meetings and telling people that I’ll be taking maternity leave a month sooner than expected.

Baby Elian is born later that night, tiny and perfect. The next three weeks are spent writing my PhD proposal from the waiting room while we wait for Elian to grow big enough to leave the hospital’s nursery.

Our decision to have a baby during grad school did not come lightly. For a lot of students, grad school falls smack in the middle of prime mate-finding and baby-making years. But my husband and I knew we wanted kids. We knew fertility decreases over time, and didn’t want to wait too long. In 2016, I was done with classes, on to the purely research part of the PhD program. My schedule was as flexible as it would ever be. Plus, I work with computers and robots — no cell cultures to keep alive, no chemicals I’d be concerned about while pregnant. Randy did engineering contract work (some for a professor at MIT) and was working on a small startup.

Was it the perfect time? As a fellow grad mom told me once, there’s never a perfect time. Have babies when you’re ready. That’s it.

Okay, we agreed, now’s the time. It’d be great, right? We’d have this adorable baby, then Randy would stay home most of the time and play with the baby while I finished up school. He’d even have time in the evenings and on weekends to continue his work.

Naiveté, hello.

Since my pregnancy was relatively easy (I got lucky — even my officemate’s pickled cabbage and fermented fish didn’t turn my stomach), we were optimistic that everything else would go well, too. The preterm birth was a surprise, sure, but maybe that was a fluke in our perfectly planned family adventure. Then it came time for me to go back to the lab full time.

I’d read about attachment theory in psychology papers — i.e., the idea that babies form deep emotional bonds to their caregivers, in particular, their mothers. Cool theory, interesting implications about social relationships based on the kind of bond babies formed, and all that. It wasn’t until the end of my maternity leave, when I handed our wailing three-month-old boy to my husband before walking out the door that I internalized it: Elian wasn’t just sad that I was going away. He needed me. I mean, looking at it from an evolutionary perspective, it made perfect sense. There I was, his primary source of food, shelter, and comfort, walking in the opposite direction. He had no idea where I was going or whether I’d be back. If I were him, I’d wail, too.

Us: 0. Developmental psychology: 1.

This was going to be more difficult than we’d thought. For various financial and personal reasons, we had already decided not to put the baby in daycare. Other people’s stories (“when he started daycare, he cried for a month, but then he got used to it”) weren’t our cup of tea. But our plans of me spending my days in the lab while the baby was back at home? Not so much. In addition to Elian’s distress at my absence, he generally refused pumped breast milk in favor of crying, hungry and sad.

So, we made new plans. These plans involved bringing Elian to the lab a lot (pretty easy at first: he’d happily wiggle on my desk for hours, entertained by his toes). Coincidentally, that’s when I began to feel pressure to prove that what we’re doing works. That I can do it. That I can be a woman, who has a baby, who’s getting a PhD at MIT, who’s healthy and happy and “having it all”. “Having it all.” No matter what I pick, kids or work or whatever, I’m making a choice about what’s important. We all have limited time. What “all” do I want? What do I choose to do with my time? And am I happy with that choice?

Randy, Elian at 8 months (sporting his lab t-shirt!), and I.

Now, Elian’s grown up wearing a Media Arts & Sciences onesie and a Personal Robots Group t-shirt. I’m fortunate that I can do this — I have a super supportive lab group and I know this definitely wouldn’t work for everyone. Not only does our group do a lot of research with young kids , but my advisor has three kids of her own. My officemate has a six-year-old who I’ve watched grow up. Several other students have gotten married or had kids during their time here. As a bonus, the Media Lab has a pod for nursing mothers on the fifth floor, and a couple bathrooms even have changing tables. (That said, it’s so much faster to just set the baby on the floor, whip off the old diaper, on with the new. If he tries to crawl away mid-change, as is his wont these days, he can only get so far as under my desk.)

Randy comes to campus more now, too. It’s a common sight to see him from the Media Lab’s glass-walled conference rooms, pacing the hallway with a sleeping baby in a carry pack while he answers emails on his tablet. I feed the baby between meetings, play for a while when Randy needs to run over to the Green Building for a contractor meeting, and it works out okay. We keep Elian from licking the robots and Elian makes friends from around the world, all of whom are way taller than he is. The best part? He’s almost through the developmental stage in which he bursts into tears when he sees them!

I also have the luxury of working from home a lot. That’s helped by two things: first, right now, I’m either writing code or writing papers — i.e., laptop? check. Good to go. Second, my lab has undergone construction multiple times the past year, so no one else wants to work there either with all the hammering and paint fumes.

But it’s not all sunshine, wobbly first steps, and happy baby coos.

I think it’s harder to be a parent in grad school as a woman. I know several guys who have kids; they can still manage a whole day — or three — of working non-stop, sleeping on a lab couch, all-night hacking sessions, attending conferences in Europe for a week while the baby stays home. Me? Sometimes, if I’m out of sight for five minutes, Elian loses it. Sometimes, we make it three hours. Some nights, waking up to breastfeed a sad, grumpy, teething baby, it’s like I’m also pulling all-nighters, but without the getting work done part.

Times when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I remember a fictional girl named Keladry. The protagonist of Tamora Pierce’s Protector of the Small quartet, she was the first girl in the kingdom to openly try to become a knight — traditionally a man’s profession (see the parallel to academia?) . She followed the footsteps of another girl, Alanna, who opened the ranks by pretending to be a boy throughout her training, revealing her identity only when she was knighted. I remember Keladry because of the discipline and perseverance she embodied.

I remember her feeling that she had to be stronger, faster, and better than all the boys, because she wasn’t just representing herself, she was representing all girls. Sometimes, I feel the same: That as a grad mom, I’m representing all grad moms. I have to be a role model. I have to stick it out, show that not only do I measure up, but that I can excel, despite being a mother. Because of being a mother. I have to show that it’s a point in our favor, not a mark against us.

I remember Keladry’s discipline: getting up early to train extra hard, working longer to make sure she exceeded the standard. I remember her standing tall in the face of bullies, trying to stay strong when others told her she wasn’t good enough and wouldn’t make it.

So I get up earlier, writing paper drafts in the dawn light with a sleeping baby nestled beside me. I debug code when he naps (even at 14 months, he still naps twice a day, lucky me). I train UROPs, run experimental studies, analyze data, and publish papers. I push on. I don’t have to face down bullies like Keladry, and I’m fortunate to have a lot of support at MIT. But sometimes, it’s still a struggle.

When I was talking through my ideas for this blog with other writers, one person said, “I’m not sure how you do it.” I didn’t have a good answer then, but here’s what I should have said: I do it with the help of a super supportive husband, a strong commitment to the life choices I’ve made, and a large supply of earl grey tea.

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Columns phd cafe, choosing to be a mother while pursuing a phd.

Enam Reyaz, a student at the Jamia Hamdard Institute of Molecular Medicine (JH-IMM), recounts her physical and emotional roller-coaster of experience embracing pregnancy and motherhood while pursuing a PhD degree; what helped her challenge the taboos and what more can be done by research institutions to support expectant mothers.

Becoming a mother is an immensely satisfying feeling for many women. Pregnancy brings with it several physical, mental, and emotional changes, be it for a working professional or a homemaker. These changes become very difficult to deal with if the expectant mother happens to be a PhD scholar. Considering the level of dedication required for research, both physical and mental, choosing to be pregnant midway during PhD is often considered a taboo. 

Knowing all this, I still embraced pregnancy during my second year of PhD. Initially, I felt torn between feeling happy and sad. I was afraid that it might mean an end to my career. A news I would typically have rejoiced in had instead sent my mind spiralling into worry.

My biggest initial challenge was to break this news to my supervisor. It took me more than a week to gather the courage, and what unfolded next gave me an immediate boost. My supervisor’s encouraging and concerned approach let me breathe a sigh of relief.

The next nine months were not so easy. Initially, it felt like a seesaw – with constant ups and downs. I lived through a variety of experiences in my molecular parasitology laboratory — experiments interrupted by nausea, necessitating a multitude of quick visits to the washroom, terrible backaches induced by constant sitting, attending highly rewarding lectures and conferences, preparing for presentations that provoked a whole new level of anxiety, meeting deadlines, facing a few raised eyebrows from strangers, and receiving some amazing pregnancy tips from peers. With occasional kicks from the life inside me and an immensely supportive bunch of co-researchers, I sailed through those nine months.

However, not everyone has the same experience. Pregnancy is a phase that treats different people differently, and every woman has her own story to narrate. However, many of the challenges remain the same for all. 

There is a great sense of mental pressure. The pressure to perform, to be productive, and to stand out. The pressure to not be accused of incompetence, the pressure to prove that my pregnancy has not affected my work adversely. We also have to constantly justify to ourselves that we are pregnant physically but have the same rational brain. We might take a few days off to recuperate from the physical changes, but we are always in, mentally.

People often say that a PhD is not the right time to have a baby. I believe it is the same at every stage of one’s career for a working woman. 

In addition to the mental stress, the long working hours take a toll on the physical well-being of expectant mothers. Sitting in the same posture all day long, with feet flat on the floor, leads to pressure on the spinal cord and can be highly taxing, especially during the third trimester of pregnancy.

Unlike high-profile corporate offices, wherein subtle infrastructural changes like shifting the workstation of pregnant workers to the ground floor or providing a more comfortable seating arrangement can be arranged overnight, research laboratories with their limited resources cannot always afford to provide such facilities to their researchers. However, it would be good if the authorities can extend whatever accommodations are possible to make the expecting staff feel at ease, at least physically. If not, at least a common room is of paramount importance, to allow pregnant employees to lay their back to rest, for a few moments throughout the day.

On the part of the institution, expectant PhD students should be allowed to work in a flexible time frame, instead of their designated working hours, especially towards the third trimester. This approach would help them remain mentally at ease and also maintain their productivity throughout.

In most institutes, expectant female researchers are eligible for a paid maternity leave of six months, which is a great stress buster and confidence builder. Such policies boost morale and keep the research temperament alive, thus preventing bright brains from fading away.

In my experience, a highly supportive partner and family back home, some encouraging and helping labmates, and a motivating supervisor is the most perfect recipe to steer through this period, happily and productively.

People often say that a PhD is not the right time to have a baby. I believe it is the same at every stage of one’s career for a working woman. Once into the research fraternity, the onus is always the same. For me, it is always to contribute something through science for the well-being of mankind. It cannot be less or more. No time is the right time, it is on us to make the moment right for us, to stretch the extra mile, turning things in our favour. After all, all the extra mental and physical efforts result in the joy of motherhood, and that was worth the cost for me.

And I am here to prove it, into my fourth year of PhD, with a beautiful one year old daughter.

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Pursuing a PhD with young children: Life as a student parent – how I make it work

This blog post is a little different than my previous ones but the topic is one I am most asked about: being a student and parent at the same time. I am currently expecting my fourth baby…yes, my fourth! When I first applied to the program I had no children, when I started I had one child, and in the time that has passed since then (five years) I’ve had two more. Now, in my sixth year here in Montreal, I am expecting my fourth child.

Most people respond with shock or awe to my situation. On the one hand, some assume I must not be thinking straight to attempt to have a family and pursue a PhD simultaneously. On the other hand, some assume I have super powers that make this all happen. The truth is that neither perspective is correct and, to some extent, both perspectives are harmful if they hold the person back from pursuing their own passions because of false beliefs. I have thought rationally about my choices and I am not super human. Having a family and pursuing higher education is not only absolutely possible but, in my opinion, can be mutually beneficial. It does require support, planning, discipline, flexibility and forgiveness, but as with any other job, finding a balance that works well for you is incredibly satisfying.

Some people may be holding themselves back from their dreams because they don’t think it is possible. I wanted to address here some of the practical ways I’ve found to help me find this balance in the hopes that some of it may help other student parents or working parents in general. 

The Benefits

For me, having children has given me greater focus on what I feel is important in this world and my kids are a huge source of motivation for me. I strive to create work that will make a difference in this world for them and consequently my research investigates sustainability accounting, that is accounting by organizations that track and report its effects on society and the environment. By focusing on something that I feel has meaning for my life and theirs, this has also improved my focus. I aim to ensure that every minute I am away from my children is a productive one.

I talk to my kids all the time about my work and why I feel it’s important. Even though they are young (all age six and under) they understand that Mommy is working to try to help businesses be better so that they have a better world to grow up in. This means helping businesses treat people well and respect the environment. These are values that are important to my family and my work, as such, there really is no line between the two. When I'm done, I'll be working in a career I love and contributing to improving the world around me through my research, teaching and service. 

One of the additional benefits for my children is that they see me engaged in work that I find meaningful and that I am passionate about. As a key role model in their life, I believe this gives them an example to follow, to drum up the courage and confidence to pursue their own passions in life and strive to make a difference in the world. Additionally, they see that both moms and dads can work and share household chores which I hope will translate into fewer gender biases in them as they grow.

One cannot embark on such a journey without support. This has been absolutely critical to my success. I have a husband who supports my work, encourages me and we both pitch in wherever possible to get through each day. We also have access to excellent daycare and schooling for our children. This enhances our childrens' lives on a daily basis exposing them to French as a second language, new friends, and amazing new experiences. As such, I can focus on my work daily knowing that I have a partner to share in their care and a wonderful team of early educators working to ensure my children are safe, well-educated, socialized and are having fun at the same time.

Planning & Discipline

The planning portion is the part that takes the most effort by far, but is possible and, I don’t believe, is any more challenging for a PhD than having a traditional job. Lunches must be made, clothing and homes cleaned and arrangements made to transport the kids to daycare, school and extra-curricular activities. I utilize two main calendars to keep me on track.

One is our family calendar that I update weekly. It remains on the wall on a chalkboard and lays out exactly who needs to be where every week and who is in charge of what task. It does not take a lot of time to create but keeps us well organized. I probably spend about 30 minutes a week putting the calendar together but that 30 minutes has saved us many more and reduces the stress and thought that goes into each week by organizing us in advance so that we just need to execute when the time comes. 

For my work, I’ve begun utilizing a Focus Matrix. There are a number of products on the market but essentially what this allows me to do is organize my tasks into those that are 'Urgent and Important', 'Urgent but Not Important', 'Not-Urgent but Important' and 'Not-Urgent and Not Important'. For me, anything that relates to my thesis is Important and anything not related to my thesis is Not Important. This doesn’t mean other tasks are not important but it’s a method of organizing my tasks to stay focused and disciplined during the work day on those things I should be focused on. It’s easy to look around at the dishes or baskets of laundry or any other of 100 tasks that need to be done but I promise you, if you don’t focus on your work, it won’t get done.

In our house, there’s always more laundry to be done and always something that could be cleaned so I try to stay focused on my work during working time and family stuff during family time. I usually focus on the Urgent Important tasks first thing in the morning (those with a clear upcoming deadline usually within the month) and then take on any Urgent Not Important tasks later in the day. This keeps my work progressing and helps me control my natural inclination to deal with every other little task that may come up. My program also includes a timer so that you focus for 25 minutes and then take a five-minute break. I’ve found it to be a very productive method.

I set tangible goals that are small enough to be achievable but that keep me on track. The thought of completing an entire thesis can seem overwhelming at times, but collecting data for 25 companies is something I can achieve because it’s smaller. Over time, I look back at all these little goals and realize how far I’ve come. This helps me to persevere even when the end doesn’t seem like it’s near. Some days I move forward an inch, and some days it’s more. Over time though, those little movements forward add up.

Flexibility

One advantage to being a student is the flexibility I have in my own schedule. But, as with any benefit comes responsibility. I try to work ahead so that I am ready for the inevitable stomach bug that will come for one or more of my children. This helps me to reduce the stress level when something happens because I build a buffer in my timeline.

Sometimes, like many of us, I work in the evenings or on the weekend to catch up or get ahead to meet my deadlines but this allows me to create a schedule that works for my family and I while continuing to do work that I love. I’ve also found that building in extra time to get places reduces the pressure I put on myself and my kids.  When I know I have extra time, I’m not as stressed.  This does mean sacrificing other things. You simply cannot fit as many things into your day when you need to build in these buffers but it becomes a choice of what is important enough to make the cut.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is really important. I always attempt to adopt an attitude of forgiveness. I don’t always move things forward and I don’t always achieve what I want. Most of the time there is laundry in baskets waiting to either be washed, folded or put away. My home does not look like Martha Stewart’s home. Most importantly though, I forgive myself for not being able to do it all and when I don't live up to my own expectations. No-one can do it all and feeling down about it is definitely not productive. Forgive yourself, address the situation and move on. We order prepared meals sometimes to give ourselves a break. We also pay for housekeeping services when the budget will allow for it. I know these are luxuries on a student budget but, like everything in life, we make other choices to allow these to happen.  

Speaking of choices. As an accountant, I had a pretty good income before I gave it up to become a student again. That means we’ve made sacrifices to make this happen. We have two older vehicles and don’t buy new clothes very often. We find as many free activities to do as possible (playing outside, going for a walk or to the park, free activities offered by the city) and we try to stretch every dollar we have. I use money saving apps for all our purchases and I monitor our budget every day.

I’m lucky, I have received scholarships that help greatly and I am forever thankful for this support. Our family income fluctuates due to contract income and the timing of scholarship payments but we work diligently to stretch every dollar we can. We meal plan to avoid wasting both food and money and generally cook for ourselves as opposed to buying more expensive pre-packaged food or going to restaurants. If we do go out to a restaurant, we order water (beverages are so overpriced!). We don’t take lavish vacations and we try to direct our money where it will have value for us and our lives (less takeout means we can hire housekeepers occasionally!)  We try to be conscious about where we spend our money so that it adds value to our lives.

Executing all of this can certainly be difficult at times, but when you love something you find a way to make it work.  Follow your passion, it's worth it.

About the author

Leanne Keddie is a Concordia Public Scholar, PhD Candidate in Accountancy and also a Chartered Professional Accountant (CPA, CMA).  She has a Bachelor's degree in Commerce from Mount Allison University and a Master of Business Administration from McMaster University. Her current research investigates why companies use sustainability goals in executive compensation packages, what kinds of firms use these and what impact these incentives have on a firm’s sustainability performance.  She came to the PhD program with over ten years of work and teaching experience in accounting and finance.

© Concordia University

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Do new mothers doing a PhD get enough support?

Gaining a phd is a tough act for most students, so how do those with new babies cope while having the additional demands of parenthood.

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Having a baby is probably not on the to-do list of most PhD students.

In an ideal world, young scholars would have already submitted their thesis, secured a permanent job and possibly have a few publications in the pipeline before thinking about children.

But life seldom follows such plans. With nearly half of PhD students now women – mostly in their mid to late twenties – babies can often become part of the PhD journey. So how do those new mothers (and fathers) juggle a new baby and doctoral study? And can life be made easier for them?

Maria Hägglund, now a researcher in health informatics at the Karolinska Institute , in Stockholm, was single when she began her PhD aged 28, but she met her now-husband halfway through her studies.

They moved in together and soon found out that they were expecting a baby, Dr Hägglund told Times Higher Education .

“Not really planned but very welcome,” she explained.

As a funded PhD student, Dr Hägglund was able to benefit from Sweden’s generous system of paid parental leave (18 months at 80 per cent pay is standard for mothers), but instead took just four months off before returning to her studies part time.

“I remember submitting a journal paper just a few months after my daughter was born while she was asleep,” said Dr Hägglund, who has written about her experiences of “PhD parenting” on her personal blog .

Like other PhD students, the pressure to push on with her thesis remained acute for Dr Hägglund, who was aware that she may be falling behind her peers by spending time with her baby.

“I had a colleague who started her PhD at the same time who was able to submit a whole year before me,” she said.

Having a supportive husband, who took time off work, and living in a child-friendly society made things easier, but Dr Hägglund still felt uneasy leaving early to pick up her child from nursery, adding that there is a “culture that if you’re not working eight, 10 or 12 hours a day, you’re not doing enough”.

Having a young child also made it impossible to apply for postdoc positions abroad – an experience that subsequently has helped scholars to gain domestic research funding, Dr Hägglund said.

“It’s never a requirement to have done a postdoc abroad, but no one tends to get grants if they don’t have one."

So what can be done to help PhD student-mothers? One of the key difficulties faced by PhD students is the “grey area” of what benefits doctoral candidates should receive in the UK.

Although often teaching in universities, they are generally not employees, so cannot receive even statutory maternity pay of £138.18 a week, nor can they pick up unemployment benefits given their student status.

However, those funded by UK research councils should receive six months’ maternity leave on a full stipend and another six months unpaid, with students able to go part time, latest  guidelines by Research Councils UK state.

Some universities are now following these guidelines for those funded by institutional studentships.

“I feel incredibly lucky and grateful for the time and money I’ll be getting during the turbulent period of new babyhood,” said Ellen Kythor, who is doing a PhD in Scandinavian translation studies at University College London, whose PhD, Baby and Me! blog details life juggling motherhood and doctoral study.

But this support from her UCL-funded studentship arrived only after her supervisor had grappled with “some typically opaque university bureaucracy” to find out the exact entitlements available, said Ms Kythor, who is now on maternity leave with her second child.

“I can’t imagine living and studying in a country like the US where this wouldn’t be an option,” said Ms Kythor.

“It’s stressful enough anticipating the lack of sleep, getting to grips with feeding, and all the other tough stuff of the first time round, but with the added element of a growing preschool-age child in the family too.”

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Having kids in the US with both parents doing a PhD

My wife and I are international students planning on applying for PhD programs in the US (at nearby universities, post-bachelor's, stat/AI/ML area). We would like to know how manageable it would be to have kids while in the middle of our PhD programs. This is different from similar questions that have been asked before because:

Both parents are international students on F-1 visas and hence may not have certain privileges that US citizens have (such as having family nearby to help with childcare)

Both parents will be doing PhDs (as opposed to one doing a PhD and the other being a stay-at-home parent)

The manageability would primarily rest on the financial support needed (our PhD salaries for TA-ships + some financial aid from our home country + possibly salary earned from internships during the PhD) and the childcare help needed (we don't have family nearby but one of our parents could come to the US on a tourist visa). I suppose the role of the wife's advisor will also be important since they would have to be sympathetic towards her taking some period of maternity leave off the PhD. Any perspective on this, especially from people who have had kids during their PhDs, would be greatly appreciated.

• united-states
• two-body-problem

• W.r.t. (a), I would venture that the vast majority of US citizens are in grad school far from family. At least in my own dept., that number would be about 4%. –  Azor Ahai -him- Commented Nov 3, 2022 at 21:36
• Different but related: academia.stackexchange.com/questions/45855/… –  David Ketcheson Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 8:46
• Let's keep this question about the US; discussion about the possibility of studying in Europe instead has been moved to chat . –  cag51 ♦ Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 20:25
• 5 Another factor to consider: small children get sick a lot, specially once they start going to daycare. That means parents get sick too, and will be unavailable often, at unpredictable times. –  Davidmh Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 21:19

8 Answers 8

Being an immigrant, having gone through graduate school and having had one child, this question throws up all kinds of red flags for me.

• Grad school is not a 40 hr/wk job. It's closer to 60 hr/wk, which will already put a great strain on your relationship with your partner. If you are in a hot field like stats or ML, your hours could be even longer. Children and partners require time, where will that time come from?
• It is possible for one of your visas to be cancelled or one of your visa statuses to change in some other way that requires one of you to leave the country. If you have a child, you will then have to decide if the child stays or goes, which will bring innumerable complications either way.
• The first 15-18 months of a new child will be harrowing, with much crying, many sleepless nights and constant, inescapable stress. I really, genuinely thought grad school had prepared me for having a child, but the latter was more difficult.
• When childcare stress increases, it will probably be your wife who steps up first, probably at the cost of her grad school progress. This will create new stress in your relationship. Eventually, she may get too tired or just unhappy with the imbalance and you will have to take on a greater share of the childcare. Now, you have a problem with your wife and your grad school progress will also take a hit.
• Children are not a model that can be tuned and left to work on their own. They require time every day, and especially so in the first years of their lives. If they do not get that time when they're young, it will affect them for the rest of their lives. There is simply no way around this. To some degree, you can make up for mistakes when they're younger as they get older, but it will require much more time and effort than if they had gotten the time they needed when they were young.

To be fair, I knew people who had kids in grad school, but it was always only one parent who was enrolled, and/or they had a lot of external support (church or family) and/or they were able to retain some time for their family.

Two parents who are both enrolled, both at risk of having to leave at a moment's notice, without any guaranteed external support..., it sounds like a very high risk venture with potentially catastrophic consequences. I would advise against it in the strongest possible terms.

• Thanks for the post! Regarding 1, does the flexibility of grad school after the first year make a difference? As in work hours spent on research could be put in at any available time of the day as opposed to the fixed work hours of a regular job? Also for 2), is it likely that F-1 status could change within the 5 year duration of the PhD? Regarding 3,4,5, is it likely that these issues could be reduced in the case of parents doing regular jobs? –  Yuprik Yuprik Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 19:06
• Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat . –  Bryan Krause ♦ Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 21:46
• 1 @YuprikYuprik In answer to your follow-up comment, as I said, I knew families where one parent was a PhD student and the other a stay-at-home parent. The ones that had external support were stressed but made it. The ones that didn't have external support left permanent psychological scars on their kids that made them never want to do it again. If you and your partner are serious about PhD study and starting a family, I would suggest getting the PhDs first, finding jobs, solidifying your immigration statuses, and then starting a family. It would be much easier and less risky. –  matmat Commented Nov 7, 2022 at 6:33
• 1 Comments were moved to chat; they can't be moved twice, so the second time around they just get deleted instead. –  Bryan Krause ♦ Commented Nov 7, 2022 at 15:18

It does not matter what stage you are at in your career; having children is going to make your career harder.

Having children while you are young is likely to be physically easier.

It is highly unlikely that unpaid maternity leave would be denied. Paid maternity leave is unlikely (in the US).

Financial circumstances vary greatly. Let's consider two scenarios.

• The near-best-case scenario is to get two $45,000 engineering PhD stipends at Stanford. The university provides you a two bedroom apartment for $30,000/year. The university provides a $20,000 grant for child care, but it costs $32,000/year. You pay substantial income tax. It probably works out okay.
• You get two $13,000 psychology PhD stipends at University of Nebraska - Lincoln. A two bedroom apartment is $10,000/year. Health insurance is $6600/year. Childcare is $12,500/year. To survive in Lincoln, you have to have a car. You need a third PhD student in your family to make this work.

Do not rely on a tourist visa for child care until that visa has been issued. While the B-2 visa is issued for visiting family, visas can be denied simply because the applicant has family in the US. There is a maximum stay.

• 3 You're not going to see too many stipends below $13K, but there are definitely places with $13K stipends and higher costs of living. –  Alexander Woo Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 0:49
• 9 to make your career harder? You are an extremely optimist person, having children makes your life harder! Disclaimer: I am not joking, I have offsprings and grand offsprings, in retrospect I would still complicate my life exactly the same way. –  EarlGrey Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 9:45
• Assuming that financial circumstances work out, I wonder what your take would be on the childcare aspect of the proposition (given that both parents would be working mainly at home)? –  Yuprik Yuprik Commented Nov 7, 2022 at 21:24
• I do not see why you would think you would be working mainly at home for a job you don't have yet. The only benefit of working from home is you do not have to commute. Working from home does not enable you to do something other than work at the same time you work. –  Anonymous Physicist Commented Nov 9, 2022 at 17:51

I think there are very few universities left in the US that have subsidized housing for married students. If you were at such a place, with a dense core of married students living together, the childcare situation would be easier (my situation - previous century) as some spouses would be happy to do that for a small charge. Otherwise, childcare would be a big expense, potentially.

The advisor problem and maternity leave can probably be managed in a field like math, but possibly harder if constant presence in a scientific lab is required.

Some universities might provide subsidized day-care for children, but not infants. Also make sure that the health insurance enables what you want to do. That isn't obvious in the US as we don't have a national health plan comparable to, say, UK.

But, being in the same department (starting with bachelors degrees) will cause a scheduling issue as the early years of most programs are heavily course oriented and you would probably need to be in the same course at the same time - adding to the childcare issue. The purpose of the (advanced) courses is to get you through qualifying exams, so they aren't optional and there may not be a lot of flexibility unless you were off-by-one in years, with one of you starting a year earlier than the other. But that might bring up visa issues.

At different universities you will have a transportation problem unless you are either wealthy or live in a place with good public transport, which is rare and which also implies high housing costs. A lot of the US is very dependent on cars for transport.

With two TA positions finances should be generally fine, but scheduling worse.

I read this that you don't already have kids. If you can delay that for a few years it would be much easier and, with a couple or three years of experience, you will be in a better position to make a decision and to recognize the issues.

Once you reach the dissertation stage in statistics, I'd guess that the situation changes as you can think and work everywhere and anywhere, even with kids about. Also, if you are the male partner, plan on sharing the childcare burden.

Long ago it was much easier. I had two kids by the time I finished, but we were on the safe side of all the issues I brought up (and not international students). My spouse started studies later than I did. We were in subsidized on-campus housing (very cheap) and we were surrounded by lots of others (including international students) in similar circumstances. We were also in different fields so had different schedules.

• 2 Just on the can-you-wait-a-few-years-for-kids question: if there is a tight window for having children due to medical circumstances, maybe it would be better for for the woman to avoid signing up for a doctoral programme just now but to do all the preparatory grad-level courses possible till the husband's work is well in hand. –  Trunk Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 12:13
• 2 But I suppose doing this would mean having just one stipend going into the household, rather than two . . . which is not viable for maternity bills, medical insurance and all that. But the place I was at in UK gave extra for dependents and other qualifications to allow equality of opportunity to maturer people. 37.5% for a wife, 12.5% for each child. Also it allowed extra 25% for MS holders and 12.5% for each year of work experience to a maximum of 3 years. So a few Middle East students had cars and wives as doing an MS there was seen as a salaried job with assistant professor title. –  Trunk Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 13:16
• 2 Yes, exactly that, though with a TA, you still might need to deal with schedules depending on what your duties are. But in statistics, I assume you can work alone with periodic consultations with the advisor. –  Buffy Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 19:18
• 1 Note that none of what @Trunk describes for UK is likely available in the US, though medical insurance might be for doctoral students with TAs. And, I think they were referring to doctoral student stipends, not MS level. Maybe a clarification is in order. Note "MS holding" means post masters and spouses doing masters doesn't imply funding necessarily. I used to be aware of students from some countries driving "hot beemers", but they were already very wealthy and unlikely supported by the university. Many were actually undergrads. –  Buffy Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 19:19
• 1 That university was a very different type of institution in that the campus was entirely postgraduates. (Its primary degree content was delivered remotely with regional tuition support to the frequently working students.) The additional stipends to postgrads was to give mature/married/experienced people a financially viable means of pursuing advanced degrees. The percentages quoted are not so impressive if you consider the baseline grant was just $100 equivalent a week in those days. But be under no illusion: you will not find another institution that offers anything like this. –  Trunk Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 21:27

The career story in the most recent issue of Science (Oct 28, 2022) is coincidentally very relevant to this. It's from a married couple in academia that eventually ended up working together in the same institution while still maintaining separate labs. They've used their situation to support couples in your situation. The story is here: Better Together (I don't think it is paywalled).

My point: you may want to consider looking for advisors that are married and work in your field. They'll understand and be more sympathetic to your situation. Combined, they also might have more financial flexibility to get both of you hired together.

• 4 One of those one in a million stories that media people love to tell. But reality is quite different most of the time. The couples are in a weak position to argue anything with their bosses. Which may suit the latter. And this scenario seems wide open to discrimination challenge by disappointed uncoupled applicants. –  Trunk Commented Nov 5, 2022 at 0:47

I had two kids during my PhD program, my spouse was a stay-at-home parent during this time.

I would strongly recommend looking at what support your target graduate schools have for parents/new parents. This varies greatly between schools. I went to Princeton for grad school, which provided 12 weeks leave for a new primary parent (new mother, primary caregiver of newly adopted kid) and an additional semester of funding for the primary parent, among other things. They've expanded financial support for students with children since I was there, and it's even better now.

I'm not saying this to say that Princeton should be a school you should choose (there are lots of factors going into that), but just providing an example of what at least one school does provide. (And I acknowledge that Princeton has more financial resources than many schools to be able to provide these things.)

And also, even though the school provided this support and required an advisor to be okay with it, that didn't mean that every advisor on campus would've been okay with it. I didn't hear any stories to this end (which is a good thing), but I imagine some advisors may be resentful to have a student take 12 weeks off even if the university is financially supporting them during that time.

With my spouse staying at home, we never had to look really hard at childcare options. But from what we have seen and heard, on-campus childcare options that would've been available to us skew towards the higher end of costs of all available childcare, on and off campus. But where we were at, public transportation options were limited, so those who used off-campus child care and didn't have cars spent a lot of time transporting everyone even for relatively nearby places.

Cost of living should be a major consideration. Having children means that your housing, food, and transportation costs will be more than your child-free counterparts, and locations with higher costs of living will only compound that effect. Living in New Jersey was expensive and so our housing options were extremely limited (we had to live in low-quality and small on-campus housing), while if we had gone to some other schools we probably could've rented a much larger place, maybe even a single-family house. There were reasons we made the choice we did, but different choices would've had different advantages financial-wise.

By the best study we could put together, we estimated about 4% of grad students at my university had children. There are disadvantages that come with that. We would have friends get Child Protective Services called on them by student neighbors for just normal kid crying, and a lot of students were more annoyed by the presence of children on campus and in housing than anything else. Other universities will have larger fractions of grad students with children, and I imagine will have fewer of these problems.

And in the end, I would advise at least one of you to visit the university and department(s) you'll be at. My wife was pregnant at the time that I was invited to visit departments who had accepted me, and I asked lots of questions about family support at such. The department I ultimately chose had lots of positive things to say and show about being okay with grad students having kids, and that played out in practice. My advisor was supportive of my having children, they would come visit me in my office regularly and it was never awkward, and they were always welcome at department parties and other functions. I know not all departments on campus were like this.

In the end, I'm glad I didn't wait to have children until after grad school, but having them in grad school was much more difficult than I imagined it would be. Having both parents pursue PhDs simultaneously adds a whole other dimension of difficulty and complexity that I can't even imagine what that will be like.

My undergrad research advisor had kids after he finished his PhD. When I told him that we would be having a kid my first year of graduate school, he told me that he wishes he would've started having kids in graduate school. That's his experience, I can't say that that would be everybody's experience, and I don't think he and his spouse were pursuing simultaneous PhDs (they both do have PhDs).

In end, having kids in graduate school definitely decreased the quality of my research output. I performed well enough to graduate without problem, but I had trouble managing my time and mental energies in a way to be completely successful as both a parent and a developing scientist. But I don't regret that sacrifice to have my kids when I did. But it was a sacrifice to the quality of my PhD for me. And in the end, I took a different career path post-grad-school than I imagined pre-grad-school so that I could have a better work/life balance. I "left the field" as my academic colleagues would say, and in that sense having kids in grad school took me completely away from the academics of it all. But I don't (usually) regret that either.

From my experience only pursuing one PhD while having kids, I don't see how pursuing two PhDs while having kids is practicable, unless one of you is willing to be the "primary caregiver" and give much more sacrifice than the other as far as the quality of their PhD education, or you both end up with extremely understanding advisors and programs. And even with that, it's likely that your PhDs may take significantly longer than they would otherwise.

From the kids' perspective, they think those years in the dinky apartment with a busy dad were great, they don't look back on those years with any bad memories. They loved where we lived and the friends we had there, and they were so young the "bad" aspects, at least to me, didn't affect them very much.

• Honest and interesting story. –  Trunk Commented Nov 6, 2022 at 13:22
• Suggestion: Regardless if embarking for Old Nassau, or not, I think the additional provision of a few links (at entry level) how child care at a grad school may look like could serve as a valuable reference to compare with: hr.princeton.edu/thrive/wellness-resources/child-care-resources (though I disagree with the address, child care is not wellness as in going to a spa ), and about the building which by 2017 replaced the previous one just across Broadmead of about the same capacity (in numbers): princeton.edu/news/2017/09/14/… –  Buttonwood Commented Nov 6, 2022 at 15:11
• This is precisely the model of answer I was looking for. Thanks for relaying your personal experiences. In fact, this is one other option we were considering; I have a really high GPA and could probably get into a good grad school (certainly not as high as Princeton though) and my wife could come with me as a dependent, with the intention of having kids during the 5 years of my PhD and her pursuing a PhD afterwards. Perhaps this is what your undergrad advisor was thinking of. –  Yuprik Yuprik Commented Nov 6, 2022 at 20:01
• ...I am glad to hear that there are places where one person's PhD salary could support a spouse and a baby. Is this at least somewhat common in the US or exclusively limited to schools like Princeton? –  Yuprik Yuprik Commented Nov 6, 2022 at 20:03
• @YuprikYuprik, I wouldn't say the PhD salary supported my whole family. We had some savings, and a bit (not a lot) of early inheritance that came in, and we did end up slowly drawing on savings the five years we were there. –  NeutronStar Commented Nov 11, 2022 at 3:18

I'm writing from my own experience and that of several family members doing PhD's in various circumstances (all in the UK). I suggest that a key aspect you and your wife should consider is how many years you may spend on your PhD's. The combination of unforeseen difficulties with your research itself and balancing your time with family and other commitments will perhaps result in your taking much longer than you anticipate.

If that seems possible then three issues arise: a) Would that be acceptable to you, given that it may mean delaying the start of your subsequent careers with consequent financial implications? b) Would it be acceptable to your universities, or do they have rules or expectations about the timescale within which they expect a PhD to be completed? c) Would it fit with your visa conditions? I can't answer those questions for you, but I would suggest that if your answer to any of these is no so that you are committed to a fixed timescale then you may be taking on a very demanding challenge by embarking on PhD's in your circumstances.

• As for the issues you raise: a) It would be acceptable for both of us as long as it covers expenses for a frugal lifestyle until the end of the PhDs, b) and c) I don't know this yet but I know grad student friends who got accepted for PhDs with 6 years of funding but ended up doing 7 instead (with funding). I guess as long as the extension of the timescale is within an year it should be manageable but I should look into this more. Thanks for the suggestion! –  Yuprik Yuprik Commented Nov 6, 2022 at 19:53

lol no way, I was being paid 24k/year, had no dependents and didn't pay rent and I was still living close to the poverty line in my area.

Modern man has lost all perspective

This is a variation on a question I encounter maybe once every year or two and it makes me cringe every time. People lived through the Great Depression in one or zero-bedroom houses and had families of six children while they scraped for work and food. People lived in the middle ages labouring in fields all day without running water or a working sanitation system and they had families of ten children. People lived in bondage in the Roman and Persian empires and managed to pump out a few children in between whippings. People lived in caves before the wheel or language was invented and had families. So yes, this same feat is manageable for two parents in the modern world living on a leafy university campus and doing academic research while sipping chai-lattes.

The point is, there is no perfect time to have children and there is no time at which conditions are so adverse that it is infeasible to have children. The entire history of the human race attests to these facts. If you want to have a family, have a family. If it matters, I went through my PhD while raising two young daughters. I was in different situation since I was a single parent (so one person doing PhD instead of two, but same essential issue). Raising children while doing a PhD full-time is not trivial, but it is probably no more difficult than raising children while working a full-time job. It is manageable and enjoyable if you are sensible about the trade-offs and make appropriate arrangements with supervisors, etc. to ensure that you are able to respond to childcare requirements. You will probably find that you need to work some nights after the children go to bed. With two people you will have the ability to juggle child-rearing duties to help each other out when needed.

• 18 "People lived through the Great Depression in one or zero-bedroom houses and had families of six children while they scraped for work and food" this is hardly a healthy or desirable way to live and clearly something OP is trying to avoid. By ignoring the implied requirement of wanting to not live in poverty/hardship this does not answer the question and is not a useful answer. –  ljden Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 5:55
• 11 The point is, there is no perfect time to have children and there is no time at which conditions are so adverse that it is infeasible to have children. * correct. * People lived through the Great Depression in one or zero-bedroom houses and had families of six children while they scraped for work and food. wrong, Great Depression heroes did not have a choice, here we have someone that is dreaming of pursuing a PhD and do not want to end up enjoying the Great Depression lifestyle. I understand that science require sacrifice, but OP is doing a very reasonable (and rare) assesment! –  EarlGrey Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 8:46
• 12 You are aware that the 'success rate of raising children' in your examples was often on the order of 50% or even lower? Meaning families had 4, 6 or even more children precisely because they knew many would die before becoming adults and you needed that many to bring up 2 children all the way to adulthood. –  quarague Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 9:58
• 8 @Ben In all the cases you cite, people lived in communities where free shared childcare was available. In all historical situations where shared childcare was not available, most children died of malnutrition. The lucky ones had surviving older children whose early childhood consisted of looking after the younger children and later working 16 hours a day alongside their parents. I regularly see people posting what you've just said, and it makes me cringe every time. If you're going to cite historical examples, know enough history to present them correctly. –  Graham Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 10:21
• 14 As a data scientist, you do know about selection bias, don’t you Ben? The problem with the “our ancestors survived [X], so can you - we have lost all perspective etc” argument is that the survivors of X you are taking as your purported proof that X can be survived are literally the ones who survived. What about those who didn’t? Or the ones who survived but at great cost to their and their children’s physical and mental well-being? Btw your argument could also be repeated with X being not wearing seat belts, smoking a lot of cigarettes, using leaded gasoline and paint, etc. … –  Dan Romik Commented Nov 4, 2022 at 18:31

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On finishing my PhD with a baby and the things that helped

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• Published: 21 March 2022

Doing a PhD: ten golden rules

• E. J. Molloy   ORCID: orcid.org/0000-0001-6798-2158 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 &
• C. F. Bearer 5 , 6  

Pediatric Research volume  93 ,  pages 448–450 ( 2023 ) Cite this article

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“I’m not belittling your discovery. Most discoveries are made regularly every fifteen years; and it’s fully a hundred and fifty since yours was last made…. That’s something to be proud of…..”

George Bernard Shaw

The Doctors Dilemma, 1912

A PhD or doctoral thesis is an internationally recognized academic degree awarded at postgraduate level by universities and higher education institutions following submission of a thesis or dissertation. The awarding of the degree is based on extensive and original research in the awardee’s chosen field. It can be a long, arduous and intensive process for the PhD candidate. Advice from peers and mentors is valuable to sustain this course of action. These ‘golden rules’ tips are an amalgamation of advice from PhD students and mentors aimed at making the process easier 1 .

Recognise the value of research to the individual and to society

Think about your reasons for doing a PhD and remember that research is a core skill for all clinicians and researchers. The management and analytical skills one will acquire from a period of dedicated research will be invaluable in your later career as a clinician. There is of course the value to others in society from your research as well as an opportunity to Improve outcomes for children and families. There is evidence that doing research may increase resilience and grit (Halliday et al.) 2 . In addition, this resilience helps one to cope with rejection and to avoid burnout. It is suggested that the novelty and added value of research and ability to change clinical management also gives a deep sense of purpose.

Selecting your area of research

There is a huge variety of research areas. Biomedical research encompasses “basic research” (or bench science) 3 , from fundamental scientific principles in a preclinical setting with the goal of obtaining new knowledge that may or may not translate to healthcare, to clinical research, involving people and clinical trials and the goal of obtaining new knowledge that will impact on healthcare. Within this spectrum is applied research, or translational research, conducted to expand knowledge in the field of medicine and with the goal of changing our understanding of health and disease. Research methods are broad in variety including audits to clinical trials to basic science to quality improvement. Most clinicians are constantly involved in research without even realising it. The development of physician-scientists experienced in forming and participating in multidisciplinary teams that address complex health problems is vital and has been prioritised internationally 4 .

Selecting the timing and pathway of obtaining a Ph.D

There is no optimal time to start research training but research skills are valuable early in your career. There are many options for timing of a Ph.D.: before, during (intercalated = MD PhD programme) or after medical school or when in a more senior position. Ninety percent of students who completed a thesis during medical school went on to further research (Park et al.) 5 .

Selecting a supervisory team

When selecting a supervisor/mentor for the Ph.D. consider the research project, their expertise in this area and your relationship with them. Consider your interest in the project, their track record for publishing and supervising students to completion. Remember that the research tools you’ll learn may be more important than the topic of the project itself. Ideally join their research meetings and speak to their research team members in advance. Important elements to organise in advance are choosing an area of research, getting funding, and securing time out from specialty training. There are many helpful resources to assist in planning timelines and funding sources (RCPCH Research Toolkit ( https://academictoolkit.org ), US Grant applications ( https://usagrantapplications.org/v9/ )). The roles of clinical and research mentors is to support novice researchers, to ensure the success and completion of any research, and, in particular to assist the writing up of a thesis or Ph.D. thesis.

Supervisors/mentors with a strong track record for publication and supervision of higher degrees may have the advantage of being experienced but may also have a larger number of trainees so they can be less accessible. Conversely being the first Ph.D. student may have advantages with an enthusiastic and motivated supervisor/mentor with more time.

Since no one mentor can do it all, most trainees require “wrap around” mentoring. Maybe one mentor is good in study design and another is good in time management. Also consider adding non-traditional members to your supervisory/mentor team. Participative research is vital when conducting clinical research. Patients’ and public involvement (PPI) means involving anyone touched by the research in the actual planning and conduction of the research 6 . PPI aims to develop research that addresses patients’ and the public’s expressed needs, and thereby improve the success, cost-effectiveness and impact of research. Furthermore, close involvement of patients and the public can facilitate rapid dissemination and implementation of research findings. Children’s right to autonomy and to be heard and express their opinions in relation to their own health care are protected in the Convention on the Rights of the Child and were initially introduced by Dr. Janusz Korszak (Henryk Goldszmit) 7 a Paediatrician, Children’s author, Polish-Jewish educator. The James Lind Alliance highlights multidisciplinary groups including families in Research prioritization which is valuable to understand key areas for research prioritization in child health. Families and parents have been incorporated in research supervisory teams in PhD programs. They make excellent members of a mentor Team 8 .

Funding source is vital

Your Supervisor/mentor should have experience in seeking funding for research projects but timing is crucial. The preparation for the Ph.D. and writing of grant applications should begin at least 2 years in advance. Local research bursaries or charitable funds may be an option, as are the Wellcome Trust ( www.wellcome.ac.uk ) and the National Institutes of Health (National Institutes of Health (NIH) | Turning Discovery Into Health). Many established supervisors/mentors will have funding in place and will not require the student’s input into the grant writing process. During the writing of the thesis, applying for grants including smaller grants for travel and projects from portions of the thesis are also useful for career development. For example, grants are available from the European Society for Paediatric Research and the Society of Pediatric Research, USA (Research grants—European Society for Paediatric Research (espr.eu); Awards | Funding—Society for Pediatric Research www.societyforpediatricresearch.ord/research-funding/ ). Funding for child health research has remained static and not increased with trends in funding for adult medicine 9 , 10 . This has become increasingly stark during the COVID pandemic as children have relatively less morbidity compared to adults 11 .

Expect a challenging start

It takes at least 6 months to settle into a Ph.D. project with the move from clearly defined clinical tasks or a structured teaching programme to self-directed time management. Students may need a logbook to record a portfolio of new clinical and laboratory skills as well as ethics committee training, data protection, statistical support, good clinical practice for clinical trials and data management and compliance issues. Many Ph.D. programmes are structured with student selected and mandatory modules.

In addition, there may be a need to educate clinical teams such as nursing and medical staff about the project so that you can obtain their help in recruitment and consent.

Collaboration with staff in the laboratory will also be necessary. Most Ph.D. projects require extensive management of time, teams, and budgets in either the laboratory or clinical settings, all useful in the trainee’s future dealings as a consultant or faculty member. Patience is required as processes may be slower than in the clinical arena, especially if you are starting a new project with no research infrastructure in place. This is a good time to plan training and education in research and to learn about publishing, grant writing, grant management, dissemination and career development 12 .

Start writing and publishing immediately

Writing skills are often learnt early on in school and are not always nurtured in undergraduate training. Therefore, depending on stage of development, a PhD candidate may therefore lack confidence in their writing ability. A thorough review of the up-to-date literature allows you to develop expert knowledge in your chosen subject, will help protect against duplication of previously published work, will ensure originality and will help to develop your own writing skills. Consider your first project as writing a review article in your research area in conjunction with your supervisor/mentor.

Writing this review will expand your knowledge and understanding of the world of publishing. Resources for writing include writing groups such as “Shut up and Write” ( https://shutupwrite.com/ ) to allow concentration on writing tasks in a group setting. Your supervisor/mentor can set writing goals and revision support 13 .

Write your thesis as you go along

This is essential. Often the Ph.D. research will be the first time that many students and clinicians will have written a scientific paper, and the quicker you can start writing the better. The introduction to the Ph.D. thesis can be started early on and related to the review article. Ongoing writing projects make completing the thesis much less daunting. Methods should be completed throughout the thesis and vitally before leaving the lab or work environment where the research was carried out. Reading each other’s theses and sharing experiences with other Ph.D. students is very helpful.

Research peer group

The camaraderie of working among colleagues as part of a multidisciplinary team in hospital medicine or in a student class are more difficult to replicate in a research setting. Researchers often describe feeling isolated during their research. There are long hours spent alone in the laboratory, at the computer, or collecting data. Most Research centres or groups aim to welcome and support new Ph.D. students. Research units also allow cross fertilisation of ideas and techniques among the student group. Ph.D. programmes aim to foster a collaborative environment allowing students to co-publish and share techniques and expertise such as statistics. This is also an opportunity to foster collaboration in grant and paper writing and learn new research techniques. For example systematic reviews and Cochrane require a team of investigators and joining these groups is very beneficial to learn new methodology 14 , 15 .

Attend national and international meeting and submit abstracts to them

Most Ph.D. projects last at least 3 years so the final project results will not be available until the end of this period. Interim results or findings can be submitted to national or international meetings as abstracts. Keep up to date with relevant meetings and deadlines for abstracts, which will help you to set goals for completion of the research. Meetings are also good places to discuss your research and to foster collaboration and for inspiration.

Continue clinical work but in moderation

In the case of students who are already clinicians retaining some clinical work is up to the individual. However, loss of clinical skills is often given as a reason to avoid research. Covering a shift in the hospital from time to time can help keep up your clinical skills and can help financially and help to maintain confidence when re-entering the clinical world. Clinical work can also help you keep a focus on the importance of research in the training pathway to becoming a consultant/attending. Funding bodies explicitly state the amount of time allowed in the clinical setting. The Wellcome Trust, for example, specifies in its postdoctoral fellowships a maximum of 8 h of clinical work a week. For NIH K awards, 25% of the time is spent in clinical work.

Enjoy the experience

Although many clinicians perceive that research is not always a core part of their workday, the skills acquired from the experience (interpersonal, clinical, statistical, writing, and presenting skills) are invaluable and cannot be gained without going through such a process. Completing a Ph.D. is the first steppingstone in a long research career 16 . So enjoy the experience, and when you are a consultant/attending it will all be worth it. You can then supervise a few theses or Ph.D.s yourself. The collaborations you have developed with other researchers will help to foster research that improves child health outcomes.

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Paediatrics, Trinity College Dublin, Trinity Research in Childhood Centre (TRiCC) & Trinity Translational Medicine Institute (TTMI), Dublin, Ireland

E. J. Molloy

Neonatology, Coombe Women’s and Infants University Hospital, Dublin, Ireland

Children’s Hospital Ireland (CHI) at Tallaght, Dublin, Ireland

Neonatology, CHI at Crumlin, Dublin, Ireland

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C. F. Bearer

Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, Cleveland, OH, USA

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Molloy, E.J., Bearer, C.F. Doing a PhD: ten golden rules. Pediatr Res 93 , 448–450 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41390-022-01950-y

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Doing a PhD while raising a family

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Her research focused on the analytical modelling of near wellbore effects during carbon dioxide injection into saline aquifers. Ana has a first class degree in Civil Engineering from the University of Belgrade, Serbia.

Before moving to London in 2007 she worked for the same University as a teaching assistant in Fluid Mechanics and Hydrometry. In 2009 she obtained a masters degree in Hydrology for Environmental Management with distinction from Imperial College London.

She was awarded two prizes: for the best dissertation on hydrology and for the best overall MSc student in the Department of Civil and Environmental Engineering. Ana graduated in October 2012 and then became a postdoctoral researcher in Civil Engineering. She became a lecturer in Civil Engineering in October 2013.

Ana has three children. During her MSc and first year of PhD, before all the children have started the school, she had an au-pair. Since then she has had a nanny helping her three days a week in the afternoons.

“The most important thing to manage everything is a belief that all you want is possible, but you also need support from the family, organisational skills and of course financial support. If the circumstances allow, having an au-pair is a great option for young children, especially when there are more of them. Nowadays, I don’t need someone helping me during the day, so having a nanny enables me to stay longer at work whenever needed and she is a valuable help to my husband while I am away for conferences and meetings.

"Organisation-wise, as a PhD student I came to College usually three days a week, while the rest of the time I worked from home while the kids are at school. That way I managed to fulfil all my obligations as a student and still spend some quality time with my children.

"The Earth Science and Engineering Department was extremely supportive during my studies. It awarded me with John Archer and ORSAS Scholarships that hugely helped me, both financially and morally. I deeply believe that if you want to be a good mother, you have to be fulfilled as a person. So, if doing a research makes you happy, don’t give up on it!”

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To think I can do a PhD with a baby?

Psychgrad · 01/06/2021 17:52

Hi academic mums I’m a mature student, just finished my masters in psychology and planning to apply for the clinical psychology doctorate this autumn, entrance would be Autumn 2022 if I was accepted. However, my partner I have been talking about potentially trying for a baby from next summer onwards, we’re not in a rush but we’ve been together for a loooong time and we are both 33 so time is ticking away. Would I be mad to think I can do a doctorate with a baby? I know I could wait until I finish it but sometimesit can take years for people to get accepted onto it so it’s very hard to plan around it. Once you get on it’s a series of placements and big dissertation for three years. My partner isn’t exactly a high earner and although the doctorate is paid for, I can imagine money would still be tight (we live in London so when is money not tight?) Also, we don’t have family in the UK so no free family babysitters which worries me childcare wise as the costs are pretty high, am I right? Would love to hear from anyone in a similar situation to me. To be honest we could wait until we’re a bit older but I do worry about the risks in that! AIBU to think I can do it all?

Am I being unreasonable?

85 votes. Final results.

I had a baby in third year. It was immensely tough and skewed the end of my project which should’ve been more productive. Wouldn’t recommend.

I don’t mean this to be cruel, but I’ve known people apply for 4/5 years in a row and no get onto clinical psychology doctorate. Do you have any clinics experience? If not I would be hesitant to assume you’d get on it. So basically my advice would be don’t put your life on hold for this ! Get pregnant and then deal with what to do if you get on the course. (Maybe defer ?)

The clinical doctorate isn't the same as a phd. The stats for women completing a phd with a baby aren't great. I can't remember exactly what now but about 50/50 I think. I I agine it would be harder with a clinical doctorate. Given how hard they are to get onto I wouldn't risk it personally

I didn’t live in london but did mine when I had two small children - it possible. It’s dependent on how nice your academic supervisor is as well though. If they are understanding. Mine was science based and there was an expectation that you would be in the lab. Would be different for Arts / humanity stuff tho.

Hi. I started my Phd with a child and then became pregnant with twins. It was really, really hard! I did eventually finish but I ended up taking extended maternity leave as I was exhausted (one didn't sleep for the first 2 years!) We also didn't have any help and my dh was often working away. So yes, it is doable but it is so much easier not to. I don't think it is possible to do it all. Do you need to do a PhD now? Could be something you come back to?

My kids were 2 and 4 when I started mine. I had worked full time up to that point tho in a related field and had a supportive partner

Sorry I misread and thought you had been accepted. As @spiderplantsoutside said it takes most people several applications to get onto a clinical psycholodoctorate - more if you are tied geographically. Maybe plan to have a baby while you get experience and start applying when your baby reaches toddler age.

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I haven’t done a PhD but was thinking about doing a Master’s. Honestly, it’s so dependent on the baby. DCs 1 and 2 there would have been absolutely no way - although they both slept at night, they were very full on during the day and needed a lot of attention. DC3 is a super chilled baby, but even with him I feel knackered a lot of the time and really need an hour’s nap in the day to get me through. I’m not saying it couldn’t be done, but it would put a LOT of strain on you.

I had two babies during my PhD, and it wasn't a problem at all. However, my research field is computational, and so I could be very flexible with my time. It's important to remember that everyone's PhD experience is very different - it's highly dependent on the level of support you get from your supervisors. It makes it very difficult to say whether babies are possible or not, as it really depends on the environment in which you are working.

I know someone who did a social sciences phd and found it excellent for small children so I clicked YANBU. Then I saw it’s clinical psychology- it think that’s going to be really challenging. Also as PP have said unless you had a significant amount of experience prior to your masters you are unlikely to get onto a programme straight away -it will likely take several years especially in London! In your shoes I’d apply for assistant psychologist/ research assistant/well-being practitioner jobs and crack in with babies.

Hm well I'm a phd supervisor (professor) in a similar field and had three kids while doing it. So I think it's possible during a phd - my job is about as hard for me (now, with my experience) as doing a phd (then, with less experience). I think you would need to treat it like a job and get enough childcare to cover your working hours. Some universities have good childcare schemes and subsidised housing- do your sums and work out if you can afford it. Basically I think if you can do it, you can do it with a kid, as long as you can afford it financially

Currently at the end of my masters. Apply and if accepted start it - you can always pause it/ask for extensions but grab it now as you don't know what might happen. You have a choice to do this or not, right now. That's the only choice you have to make!

Yeah I do have experience., I know I might not get on straight away... but I also might, I may also not get pregnant straight away. I think the posters saying just apply and see and maybe I can defer the year if I need to which I probably will. Keen to hear from the posters saying they had multiples while doing a doctorate, send tips please. I am the type of person who does a lot at once. I get bored quite easily and had two jobs plus volunteering all through my degree amd masters, so perhaps I do have the stamina. We will see. I may be on this in a few years complaining about my stressful life 😅

Sorry had to name change for another post

My tutor had twins while doing clinical doctorate. I'm doing one started when 3rd baby was 1.5 It's a total juggle tbh and I'm skint. But eyes on the prize. Very necessary for me to do it as am single mother Might be possible to defer a year for mat leave? If so, very doable

Fyi having a baby might knock the 'busy you' sideways. Get good childcare x

I wouldn't recommend it. I fell unexpectedly pregnant in the 2nd year of Clinical Psych PhD. It proved impossible to continue as we had no family nearby to help and my husband worked 14hr days. The only way to continue would have been to employ a prohibitively expensive nanny. That's not mentioning the disturbed sleep, brain fog etc.

I didn't have time to brush my teeth after having my first baby, so I can't see how it would be possible. However everyone else on here seems to be saying it's pretty doable, so don't listen to me 😂

I did a doctorate and two fab ladies in my class had babies in year two - they did amazing Took time off etc They had fab tutors and to be fair the whole tutor team were incredible It is tough going and very competitive Highly enjoyable in many ways

@blackcurrantjam I agree, i know it will be hard. I have worked as a nanny and it actually put me off having kids for a while but I’ve stopped nannying and think I’ve forgotten how hard it really is, and the thoughts of not handing baby back at 5 o clock, I’m actually going to have him/ her 24/7 🤣 @wendyoz what did you do in the second year? Did you defer or drop our?

Time and money make life easier- actively choosing to have limited amount of both during your first baby doesn’t sound much fun to me OP.

I did a doctorate when dc was 2. Has to commute to London and no family around either. Dh and I managed it and it was worth it! Given how competitive it is to get a place I wouldn't put off TTC. Both could happen next year or both could take years.

I think money might be an issue. PhD's have a habit of over running. Do you know if you'll need to travel to attend summer schools or conferences? Other than it probably depends on your field. I had my first in the final year of my PhD and it was fine but by then DH had graduated and was earning enough for us to get by so over running wasn't an issue. I also didn't need to travel the final year but did previous years. My PhD was actually incredibly flexible other than travel so I still think I could have made it work.

It can be done but it is not easy. A pp was right in saying that you need to treat a clinical doctorate like a job. You work your hours, you take maternity leave, you get childcare etc. It is not the same as a research PhD and should be more structured which might help.

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Why It’s So Hard to Know What to Do With Your Baby

There simply isn’t good evidence—as in large, randomized, controlled, blinded trials—for many pediatric practices.

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When you go to a website with a question pertaining to the care and maintenance of your newborn baby, you will almost certainly see this disclaimer attached to the advice: “Ask your pediatrician.”

The problem is that, in many cases, the answer depends on the pediatrician you ask. In the few short months that my son has been alive, various doctors and specialists have said that my baby is allergic to soy or that he probably isn’t; that I should place him, screaming, onto his stomach for 30 minutes a day to help strengthen his back muscles or that I shouldn’t bother; that he should take probiotics or that he shouldn’t; that I should use a steroid cream on his face or that I shouldn’t; that he should get the tissue under his tongue snipped—or “released”—to help him breastfeed more easily or that he shouldn’t (and within the pro-release “community,” some have said that the procedure should be done only with surgical scissors; others have said that it should be done only with a laser).

The reason for all this disagreement comes down to the fact that there simply isn’t good evidence—as in large, randomized, controlled, blinded trials—for many pediatric practices. No scientist has conducted a gold-standard study that would tell parents exactly which probiotic or steroid cream leads to the best possible outcome. (Not to mention that people disagree on what the best outcome even is.) As maddening as these conflicting instructions might be for new parents, they should also be reassuring: They suggest that there’s often no wrong or right way to take care of your baby.

Read: The worst pediatric-care crisis in decades

Many pediatricians don’t even agree with their own professional organization. The American Academy of Pediatrics says you should start giving your breastfed baby iron supplements at four months and continue until they start eating solid foods, but when I asked my baby’s doctor about this, she said that we should start the iron supplement after he starts solids. And a mom friend told me that her baby’s doctor said she shouldn’t administer iron at all. The AAP tells parents not to elevate the head of their baby’s bassinet to help with reflux, which must have been news to my baby’s doctor—she recommended that we do so—and to the maker of our bassinet, which sells low-incline risers for this express purpose. The AAP also says that babies should sleep in the parents’ room for the first six months , but two different providers told my husband and me that we should feel free to evict our son after a month or two.

One day, I asked a pediatric allergist if my baby’s eczema might be a sign that he’s allergic to dairy.

“Look, I don’t know!” he said in exasperation. “Stop Googling and read Emily Oster.”

As it happens, I do read Emily Oster, the author of the newsletter ParentData and several popular books about child-rearing. And I called her to ask why it’s so hard to know what, exactly, to do with your baby.

She told me that conducting a randomized, controlled trial on, say, the amount of tummy time an infant needs would require millions of dollars in funding and thousands of parents laying their children on their stomach for differing lengths of time for months. Few parents would do that. And when the scientists did finally arrive at the result—say, 30 minutes a day—they’d have little to show for it. “I can’t patent 30 minutes,” Oster told me. There’s no blockbuster tummy-time drug they could cash in on.

Instead, doctors rely on what they were taught in medical school or residency, or even “what they were taught by their moms or dads or grandparents,” says Aaron Carroll, a pediatrician and the CEO of AcademyHealth, a membership organization of health-services researchers. Medical-school curricula are, in part, evidence-based, but some of the material is more like “professional wisdom,” or practices that are rooted in tradition, Carroll told me.

Take tongue-tie releases, already-controversial procedures that are made only more controversial by the fact that most ear, nose, and throat doctors perform them with scissors, whereas most pediatric dentists perform them with a special laser. The reason? That’s just how they’ve always done it. “People tend to be very wedded to what they do, and there is no good evidence that shows that one is better than another,” says Anna Messner, a pediatric ENT at Texas Children’s Hospital who co-authored a position paper on tongue-ties.

Read: Pediatricians see an alarming number of noodle-soup burns

Other fields of medicine have patchy evidence bases too, but pediatrics is unique because people have so many questions about every little thing , and the answers all feel very high-stakes. Few adults worry that taking the wrong multivitamin will ruin their life, but giving your baby the wrong kind of formula can feel like a matter of life and death—at least when you’re hormonal and running on two hours of sleep.

Carroll told me about the day, 22 years ago, when he brought his eldest child home. The hospital had placed a hat on his baby’s head, and Carroll hadn’t been sure if he was allowed to take it off.

Carroll, a pediatric fellow at the time, had asked a more experienced pediatrician at his clinic how long babies are supposed to wear the hat.

“And he just laughed,” Carroll told me. “Because no one knows.”

This dearth of evidence also allows for the flourishing of woo-woo, unproved baby interventions, such as baby chiropractors . Desperate parents will take their babies to a chiropractor for the inexplicable crying jags known as colic, the baby will eventually get better (because all colic eventually gets better), and suddenly the chiropractor can promote “evidence” that their spinal manipulations work for colic.

Of course, some pediatric advice—about, say, the importance of childhood vaccines and placing babies on their back to sleep— is grounded in firm evidence. The problem is that many pediatricians don’t differentiate between advice that’s based in science and advice that’s just probably a good idea.

To figure out which is which, Oster recommends asking your pediatrician, “Why are you recommending that?” This is not to challenge their expertise, but to determine whether the doctor is relying on a study, a hunch, or something else.

And for parents, clashing pediatric advice can, paradoxically, be a relief. When doctors all agree on something, such as vaccines, it’s often because the consequences are important and well studied. But “in the places where people disagree, the effects are small,” Oster said. When large meta-analyses point in opposite directions, or when different specialists come to different conclusions, or when baby books offer conflicting suggestions, it’s often because what you do won’t matter all that much.

“That means I don’t have to rack my brain over these probiotics and which one is really the best one?” I asked Oster.

“Oh my God, you’re thinking about which probiotic?” Oster said. “No, that’s bananas.”

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